Grumpy.

Out of respect for D, I have withdrawn this post. While trying to convey my own feelings, I managed to hurt D's feelings and for that, I apologize. It was never my intent to be mean or purposely hurtful.

Getting Ready for Monday!

I'm trying to come up with a list of things that I should or could do, time permitting, before I start work on Monday. Yes, the procrastinator in me won this battle but I figure I can still accomplish something.

1. Clean the house from top to bottom.
2. Prepare some easy breakfast meals for M that I can pull out of the freezer and defrost or toast.
3. Make sure M's bag is packed for Monday morning.
4. Lay out my outfit for Monday (and even a few others to make the rest of the weekday mornings flow a little easier).
5. Find my security card for work... I know I put it in a safe place a year ago but where oh where could that be?!
6. Meal plan for the week. In fact, make a big list of possible meals that I can refer to when looking for dinner inspiration.
7. Grocery shop.

I feel like I'm missing something here. Is there anything glaringly obvious that I've forgotten? Or anything you can suggest that helped you?

Random Thoughts

I've been MIA lately. My poor little guy has been sick. So sick that a rush trip to Sick Kids on Monday night was warranted where he was diagnosed with a double ear infections and a touch of pneumonia in the chest. Two days later, his doctor was able to add possible strep throat to that list. Toss in a reaction to Amoxicillin and we had an interesting week.

This was my last week off before starting back at work Monday. I cannot believe my year is over and M is already one. It honestly floors me. I'd hoped for a week filled with errands, cleaning & general preparations while Max was fully transitioning at daycare. Alas, it didn't happen and though I was frustrated with my lack of progress at times, I wouldn't change it for the world. I had the sort of sweet moments with M this afternoon that made me question what I am doing and why I'm going back to work. That kid can reduce me to tears with his sweetness and I certainly stole lots of extra kisses and cuddles today.

M's 1st birthday has come & gone and we're on to new stages. He's cruising with the help of furniture, actively climbing stairs and walking when assisted with toys. He isn't say much of anything save for an 'enh' sound but he does know people & things when asked about them. He was doing well at daycare before the sickness hit so we're really hoping next week goes smoothly. I am already both dreading & looking forward to Monday.

I feel completely unprepared for my return to work. I managed to get out shopping this week and grab some new clothes for work but I didn't accomplish anything else on my list. I wanted to clean the house top to bottom (work in progress this evening) as well as make some freezer meals and make a bunch of healthy breakfast options like muffins & pancakes for M. I didn't get any of that done so I now feel like I'm going to be cramming all that into this weekend when I was hoping for a quiet & enjoyable couple of days with my family.

Okay, some confessions...

As I blogged before, I am excited to go back to work. I truly am and seeing my co-workers yesterday & today got me a little more psyched up about it. BUT... my heart is absolutely breaking at the thought of dropping M off at daycare on Monday and leaving him for an entire day. Gah. It brings tears to my eyes and a GIANT lump in my throat at the very thought. I KNOW he's in great hands there and he's going to learn so much. It's a very fun & loving environment and I'm thankful that I was finally able to get him into THE place for us. But, it doesn't make it any easier on me.

For some 379 days (thus far), I have changed almost every diaper, fed most meals and wiped close to all tears. He has been the centre of my world and I his. We've done this together! Every decision D & I made, we made with M. We were so lucky that he was such an easy baby and he basically told us what we needed to do to be the best parents we could be for him. It makes me sad that I'm going to drive somewhere, leave him with relative strangers and go to work for the day.

Anyway, I'm working for many reasons and I keep reminding myself that it isn't forever. If I absolutely hate it, I don't need to do it. I also know that our reality does (hopefully) include another baby at some point so I'll be home again. I just need to get through our first day.

It will be okay... it will be okay... it WILL be okay.

Check, Check, Check... and Check!

'Nuff said!

Where are the Laundry Fairies When You Need 'Em?

I have organized our waste of space laundry area numerous times and once again, it's a disaster. We're behind on laundry with clean laundry still in the basket, random tea towels and clothes littering the stairs as we constantly toss them down the stairs to the basement and dry clothes spilling out of the dryer just waiting to be folded. The laundry counter is has a handful of clean clothes on it but is more or less covered with D's "stuff" that is getting moved TODAY!

D & I are surely going to kill each other over our laundry situation so my mission today is to do the following:

• Make a dent in the laundry pile;
• Clean & organize the laundry counter;
• Put away all clean clothes;
• Move the hanging rack to a more accessible location (apparently, crammed in the corner of our bedroom where the dog sleeps and piling it with miscellaneous crap isn't conducive to happy in-house laundry fairies).

Poor Sick Baby.

If this cold is any indication of the chronic daycare sickness I've been told to expect, I'm seriously going to have to quit my job. Sigh.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

D & I started what I expected to be the annoying task of cleaning out the back garden beds a few weeks ago. We removed all the dead shrubs, got rid of the first couple inches of gross soil and added in healthy new organic soil. We started looking in books and online for ideas & inspiration only to realize we have no clue what we're doing.

A friend suggested we get in touch with Sheridan Nurseries and go for a landscape design consultation. I went last week and learned so much! For $50, you meet with a professional who studies your garden in terms of sun, soil, orientation and your needs as the gardener (um, low maintenance... and pretty?) and walk away with a whole lot of knowledge, a great gardening catalogue and a detailed drawing of your space complete with tree, shrub & flower suggestions.

We headed back to the nursery yesterday and started picking out our new trees and plants. It was exciting! It was fun to see them in person, decide if we liked them and if not, explore our other options. Some $450 later and a cramped ride home pinned in the passenger seat by a wrought iron trellis and Japanese maple, we were finally able to start working in the backyard. We didn't buy everything we needed but it was a great start. We got most of the things planted in the smaller bed and I'll be heading out back today while M naps to work on the bigger bed.

I'm shocked that I'm actually enjoying gardening. I think it's the weeding & clean up I dislike. Building from the ground up is fun! I can't wait to see how things grow and bloom as the season progresses. I'm taking pictures to document the changes as we move ahead so I will have to post them once we're closer to being finished.

Happy 1st Birthday!

My baby is one today! Sniffle, sniffle. I've been wandering around for the past day and spewing "this time last year" comments as the big day neared. I feel like Clair Huxtable with the way I keep saying "my baaaaaaby" in a wishful attempt to keep him small and in this fun stage forever.

It was a fantastic first year and one that makes me want to scream "we did it!" because although so rewarding, it was tough & challenging at times. There were a lot of sleepless nights and days filled with tears (both M & I!) as well as a lot of agonizing decisions. Who knew that things like solid foods, nap schedules & finding childcare could be so stressful!? But, we made it through and our little family is happy.

To Mister M: Thank you. You taught me so much about myself and you have made me a better person. I'm so lucky that you're mine! I'm also glad I never followed through on my (empty) threats to squish you or get in my car & never look back on those rough nights. You're definitely a keeper! I love you.

Daycare Transition Day #3

This whole daycare thing isn't easy and like people told me, it is MUCH harder on me than M.

He's transitioning well and even enjoying himself. We got there bright and early today and he took his spot in the highchair circle and had a snack with the other kids. He played & explored happily and when I saw him showing signs of being tired, I decided to show him his new crib. I put him in, turned out the lights and sat on the floor while he stood, bounced & chatted. Eventually he sat down, started crying and reaching through the bars for me. I gradually inched along the floor until I was at the door and once he stopped crying, I knew he was asleep so I left him to nap. The second I got into the main room, I burst into hysterical sobs and blubbering about it being so hard and not fair to him.

The girls at his daycare are so great. They gave me big hugs and made me feel so much better about everything. The reality of the situation is that I'm not the first (and certainly not going to be the last) person to leave her child in the care of others. He will be fine. He's taking to it well and adapting to new people, children and routines. Sure, sleeping in a new bed will be hard for a few days but he'll know it's his and we're going to make it just like home for him.

He didn't sleep long. I managed to get out for a coffee, call D (still crying) and leave a depressed voicemail for my best friend. I got back and hovered outside the main door and eventually heard him crying. He didn't see me when I went in but he went from full tears to big smiles while playing with one of the girls. Seeing that made me feel so much better.

We stayed for another 2 hours and he ate lunch with his new little friends. We came home and he's now catching up on his sleep upstairs in his own crib. Daycare sure tires this little guy out!

It's not going to be easy but it's certainly going to get better... right?

Good Morning!

I am not a morning person. At all. I hate nothing more than being told to get up. I'm not kidding when I say those two words hold all the power to either make it a good or a bad day for me. I'm not one of those people who can't function until they've had their coffee but please don't try to start a conversation with me first thing in the morning.

I'd almost rather have my toenails pulled off with pliers than be told to wake up so I can understand how it must be annoying to have me say it over and over to D. It's actually funny how those two words can garner such a hostile response in the mornings.

I set my alarm to go off 15 minutes before D's and then do this annoying 'wake up' routine as I press the snooze button. I feel like I need to constantly remind him of the time and eventually, after about 30 minutes of this, I ask him what he's doing or what his plans are in terms of getting up. I'm almost always greeted with a disgruntled "I'm getting up, okay?!" as he sluggishly gets out of bed.

Now that I'm on mat leave with M, I don't sleep in at all. He wakes pretty early, which bodes well for when I go back to work. I've tried each day this week to get up earlier than normal (and before M) in an attempt to shower before he wakes so we can go to the daycare earlier. Fail. Who knew it would be this hard?! I have NO clue how I'm going to get back into the habit of waking at 5:30am or even earlier now that I have to get M up & at 'em, fed and off to daycare and still make a late arrival at work around 7:30am.

Side note: As I type this (read: neglect my son), he is absolutely glued to Breakfast Television. What sort of monster have I created?!

Okay, despite good intentions, it's almost 8am and I still haven't left the house. We're up, dressed and ready to go so... off we go! Daycare transition day #3!

Daycare

M and I had our first visit to his new daycare last week and it was a success! After a few minutes of chatting with the girls working in his infant room, I put him down on the floor and wandered around with one of them for a tour of the room. He sat quietly for a few minutes before beginning to explore without me! For a good 20 minutes, I was nowhere near him and he was totally content. Maybe this will be a bit easier than I thought?

The visit also made me realize that I'm glad with some of the decisions we made when M was small. We were lucky that we had an easy baby and we always followed his cues but now that we're nearing the time that he'll be in daycare, I think much of our hard work will pay off. It was important to us that he learn to put himself to sleep (when he was ready) and he can do this without any issue. We wanted him to sleep independently in his crib and again, we moved him out of our room when he was ready and it was a success. I've never pushed him to take naps on my schedule and he weaned himself fairly recently from 3 to 2 naps a day but again, we read his signs and put him down when he lets us know.

During my first few hours at the daycare, I was amazed by how much the 3 girls working in the room catered to each of the baby's individual needs. There were two kids that ONLY nap (at their parent's request) in their car seats and others that needed to be rocked to sleep in a stroller. The girls were able to multi-task this all while playing with the others, singing constantly and prepping for the next thing on the list. Not one child was left out and they were all getting quality attention. I left there feeling like M will fit in, enjoy himself and be loved.

My little guy is growing up. 3 more sleeps until his 1st birthday!