This was my last week off before starting back at work Monday. I cannot believe my year is over and M is already one. It honestly floors me. I'd hoped for a week filled with errands, cleaning & general preparations while Max was fully transitioning at daycare. Alas, it didn't happen and though I was frustrated with my lack of progress at times, I wouldn't change it for the world. I had the sort of sweet moments with M this afternoon that made me question what I am doing and why I'm going back to work. That kid can reduce me to tears with his sweetness and I certainly stole lots of extra kisses and cuddles today.
M's 1st birthday has come & gone and we're on to new stages. He's cruising with the help of furniture, actively climbing stairs and walking when assisted with toys. He isn't say much of anything save for an 'enh' sound but he does know people & things when asked about them. He was doing well at daycare before the sickness hit so we're really hoping next week goes smoothly. I am already both dreading & looking forward to Monday.
I feel completely unprepared for my return to work. I managed to get out shopping this week and grab some new clothes for work but I didn't accomplish anything else on my list. I wanted to clean the house top to bottom (work in progress this evening) as well as make some freezer meals and make a bunch of healthy breakfast options like muffins & pancakes for M. I didn't get any of that done so I now feel like I'm going to be cramming all that into this weekend when I was hoping for a quiet & enjoyable couple of days with my family.
Okay, some confessions...
As I blogged before, I am excited to go back to work. I truly am and seeing my co-workers yesterday & today got me a little more psyched up about it. BUT... my heart is absolutely breaking at the thought of dropping M off at daycare on Monday and leaving him for an entire day. Gah. It brings tears to my eyes and a GIANT lump in my throat at the very thought. I KNOW he's in great hands there and he's going to learn so much. It's a very fun & loving environment and I'm thankful that I was finally able to get him into THE place for us. But, it doesn't make it any easier on me.
For some 379 days (thus far), I have changed almost every diaper, fed most meals and wiped close to all tears. He has been the centre of my world and I his. We've done this together! Every decision D & I made, we made with M. We were so lucky that he was such an easy baby and he basically told us what we needed to do to be the best parents we could be for him. It makes me sad that I'm going to drive somewhere, leave him with relative strangers and go to work for the day.
Anyway, I'm working for many reasons and I keep reminding myself that it isn't forever. If I absolutely hate it, I don't need to do it. I also know that our reality does (hopefully) include another baby at some point so I'll be home again. I just need to get through our first day.
It will be okay... it will be okay... it WILL be okay.
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