Finding My Religion

I'm not Catholic.  Heck, I'm not even religious.  Or even close to being a believer in anything.

Lent.  I don't know the ins or outs but I know that you're supposed to give something up until Easter.  Right?  That IS it, right?  Anyway...

I gave up popcorn for Lent.  Really, it should only be the salted butter that I'm giving up but I boldly proclaimed that both were on the naughty list.

I regret this decision.  Very much so.

Is it still considered cheating if I eat popcorn tonight seeing as I'm not Catholic?

7 in 7

Last weekend, I (apparently) decided enough was enough and that I had to do something about my body.  My body image & self esteem sucks carrots and I'm fed up with feeling like I need to hide behind Spanx-style tank tops with lots of tugging up & down and tucking in & out just to feel like I'm looking decent.

So, I decided that I'd do 7 workouts in 7 days.  And know what?  I did it!  Today is day 7 and here is what I filled my week with in terms of exercise:

Sunday/Thursday/Friday:  Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred Level 1
Monday/Wednesday:  5.3km & 5.6km run respectively
Tuesday:  In-home personal training session (ouch!)
Saturday:  Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred Level 2

Now what?  15 in 15.  Gotta keep it going and right now, I don't want to stop because I'm loving the muscle hurt and the determination I feel.  The Shred videos take 25 minutes tops so there is no reason why I can't work those into my day.  I want to push myself for some further runs and ideally, I should be out there 3 days a week.

Stay tuned for an update on Sunday, February 24th for the 15th update!

Fatty Train!

So, the diet train completely derailed after my last post on the 10th and I'm basically hanging by a finger off the caboose (or maybe I am the caboose?)...  needless to say, I gave up.  Again.

Whatever.

I've been slacking with the meal planning lately and we basically ended up eating out or grabbing take-out way too much over the last few weeks.  It tends to be a January thing for us.  All that eating and meal preparation over Christmas & NYE leads to laziness and general slacking during the first few weeks of the new year.

My plans to do a true grocery shop were thwarted by a last minute guest on Sunday so I ran out to a few local shops and grabbed some essentials.  I threw together a quick meal plan in my head and so far, we've enjoyed good meals at home for 4 nights in a row plus lunches for work.  This is a pretty big deal!  As I type this, water is boiling on the stove and I'm about to cook some pasta to use up with left over meat sauce (from our spaghetti squash dinner last night...  more on that later) and we'll have a pasta/veggie bake with salad tomorrow night.

So what have we eaten this week?

Black sea bass with arugula & sprout salad on Sunday.  Monday was Welsh rarebit with salad tossed in D's avocado dressing (my favourite!).  Tuesday?  Meat sauce on spaghetti squash.  Perogies (alright, a freezer cheat) with beet salad.  Tomorrow will be the pasta bake and I've got grilled chicken breasts with a goat cheese, dried fruit & nut salad on the menu for Friday.  Add in a chickpea salad (already gone) and a black bean salad and leftovers with bean salad lunches are done.

Back to the squash...

I don't think I ever tried squash until I met D.  No really.  We were so not a squash family and to be honest, the thought repulsed me.  I've since come to love butternut squash soup (so easy, cheap & makes great leftovers/lunches) and just this week, I made spaghetti squash for the first time.  Loved it.  Will do it again as M inhaled his pasta alternate no questions asked.

I'd read that I had to bake it for a good 45 minutes before shredding but after a bit of googling, I found out I could make it in the microwave.  I NEVER cook with the microwave but we were late getting home & D was working late.  Basically, slice it lengthwise in half, seed & clean it out and put one half in a snug microwave-friendly dish (so it can't fall over).  Add 1/2 cup or so of water to the cavity and top with the other half.  Throw it in the microwave for 10 minutes (maybe more if it's a big one) and then it is done.  Seriously.  Amazing.  In that 10 minutes, I reheated the meat sauce I'd made the night before.  Dinner was ready in no time!

No point to this post other than to remind myself that meal planning works.  It's controlled what we've eaten and what we've spent.  Both pretty good things.

Whoa! Cheat.

I lasted 4.5 days before blowing the diet.  We went to the Raptors game last night and met friends at Jack Astors beforehand (side note:  I will forever be boggled that people pay to eat their overpriced and revolting food) where D & I shared nachos.

Fail #1:  Nachos.  Cheesy nachos.  With sour cream.  And guacamole.  Lots of nachos.

Got to the game and went for the 9oz red wine.

Fail #2:  Wine.

Ordered a beer before last quarter.

Fail #3:  Beer.  12oz.

Came home and ate some leftover popcorn.

Fail #4:  Stale popcorn.  Maybe 3 cups?

Drank two vodka sodas.

Fail #5:  Vodka.  Sigh.

Went to work this morning and ate my lunch at 7:30am.  Who eats chickpea salad at that time?  Ugh.  Ate my veggies and ignored my fruit.  Had co-worker pick up some onion rings on his lunch run.

Fail #6:  Onion rings.  MASSIVE portion.

Seriously, 6 fails in less than 24 hours.  I'm starving now and not in the mood to cook.  I want snacks!  Chips!  Junk!  Sigh.  I do not want to get on that scale tomorrow.  I'll have to though...  punishment.

Desperate Times = Desperate Measures?

Sort of.  But not really.

On Friday night, I signed up for 3 months of Weight Watchers.  What?!  I wasn't even drunk!  Anyway, I had to guess my weight because at 9pm on a Friday, there was no way I was getting on a scale so I entered 150lbs.  On Sunday, I hesitantly stepped on the scale and found that I *only* weighed 138lbs.  Phew.

My ultimate goal?  125lbs.  My realistic goal?  130lbs.  God, I'd love to be (and STAY) under 130lbs but I just don't know how realistic that is for me.

I created a new amazeballs 100 track running playlist to motivate me to get out and pound the pavement.  Tonight, I did just that and went for a brisk 4.5km.  I hate winter running so I'm not going to set a minimum amount of kilometers to run but I will aim to get out twice a week.  Reasonable.

This Friday is my next weigh in and I'm not expecting miracles but I am expecting some sort of give.  Anything.  I'll take what I can get.  For true.  I know the last 10lbs is supposed to be hard so I know it's not just going to fall off.  If I could be around 134lbs by my birthday at the end of this month, I'd be happy.  My next milestone would be 128lbs by M's birthday in early April.  125lbs by June?  Yes, please!

Anyway, counting points is sort of addictive and I'm digging the fact that I can still eat things like popcorn with butter (salted...  yum!) and have wine & beer.  I am (as usual) starting my new year off by scaling back (waaaaaay back) and cutting out the alcohol for a bit or really limiting myself to when out with friends or for a special occasion.  You know, keeping it clean.  Or attempted to anyway.

So?  Stay tuned.  I'll post a weigh in update on Friday.  Fingers crossed it's a positive one.

What to do, what to do... sigh.

On the training front, I ran 6km last Thursday and have basically done very little since.  After my 15km on Monday followed by my big spill on Wednesday, my knee & ankle needed some rest.  So, rest I did and I basically haven't gone back out there despite intentions to run 5 short runs in a row this week.  I need to scale back on the long SRs because I'm simply over doing it.

Yes, I realize it sounds like an excuse.  I isn't.  I hope it isn't.  My body just isn't responding as well as I'd like and believe me, it pisses me off.  Why the F did I let myself get SO out of shape after the last season ended?!  Stupid.

But I'm in a bit of a pickle now...  remember when I went on and on about walking in the Weekend to End Women's Cancers?  And then when I said I had chosen the half-marathon over the walk?  Well, I don't know what to do.  My gut (and my guilt) is telling me to WALK.  What's more important?  Personal best (not that the race would be but you know what I mean) or bonding, inspiration & just good ol' giving.  A big part of me thinks that I just won't be ready in time for the run and that's really okay.  I can run another race in the spring or I can get out there and do what I can.  So maybe I'm trying to talk myself into doing the walk knowing it may really screw my body for what I've been working towards as of late?  Sigh.  I really don't know what to do.  I want to walk because I want to be a part of that movement and it is so important for me to walk because my MIL doesn't have that chance.  I never want M to go through what D did when his mom passed away.  I want to run to prove to myself that I can do it again and that I can achieve that goal.  I want M to be proud of me for committing and being active.

I have no idea what to do.

Wednesday

So I followed up last week's 12km run with a chiro appointment & lazy 4km the next night before promptly taking 4 days off.  FAIL.  I got back out on Monday evening and pushed myself to run 15km!  It was HARD.  Really hard.  So hard that when the girl on my iPod announced that I had 4km to go, I screamed 'fuck off' to no one in particular at the intersection of Leslie & Lakeshore.

I've been really feeling it in my body since that run.  My left ankle feels a bit like it's got some bone-on-bone action and my right knee aches.  I feel old & out of shape.  Anyway, it is what it is and I just need to keep training.  I've got 6 more weeks to go and in those 6 weeks, I need to add 6 more kilometres to my longest route to date.

I met up with a friend tonight and did a 5km loop.  It was so nice to run with someone but definitely challenging to keep up a conversation while running.  Just something I'm not used to but something I'd like to practice.

Tomorrow's schedule calls for 5km and I'm hoping to get out at lunch to do it.  I need to spend some solid time at home in the evening tomorrow to get a few things accomplished.

Week 3?

I think I'm into my 3rd week of training and I like to think that I'm absolutely killing it.  Yay ME!

I did my 4km on Saturday afternoon and had plans to meet my BFF to do our big 12km run on Sunday.  Plans fell through and a couple glasses of wine followed the pizza into my mouth and I didn't get out.  Monday was a big FAIL that involved ketchup chips but I'm over it and not talking about it anymore.  Tuesday?  I got out for a 12km SR and rocked it!  I felt awesome the entire way through...  well, after my first 2-3km loosening up thing and then I felt awesome.  Followed it up with a quick 4km loop tonight.

Last night was the first night where I finished my run and immediately knew that I could do it.  I will be ready to run the half-marathon on that Sunday in October.  I'm totally pumped!

Many Reasons...

But no good excuses.  I just couldn't do the 10km this morning.  My head & body weren't into it and I felt like a bag of hammers the entire time so I cut it short at 5km.  I'm really disappointed in myself that I just couldn't push through it.

We're away for the weekend but back Monday afternoon.  I'm hoping to do my long run on Monday evening to make up for this one.

Week One Done

I'm pretty sure I kicked ass in the eating & running department this week.  Yay!

Training this week was as follows:

Sunday:  7km (I decided against the 10km to avoid potential injury)
Tuesday:  4km
Wednesday:  2.5km
Thursday:  5km
Friday:  3km (Skipped today's rest day and ran Saturday's run because we're away for the weekend)
Saturday:  10km (not yet run...  obviously...  but I've got it scheduled for the early morning)

Since Sunday, I've run a grand total of 21.5km.  I'm still working hard to find my groove and it takes a good 2km before my legs feel loose enough to maintain a good pace.  I'm still slow in the pace department but I'm trying to remind myself that "slow and steady wins the race" and that the important part is that I'm out there pounding the pavement.

I've got a long way to go but like my BFF said, I am COMMITTED.  I really want this right now.

77 Days

At the suggestion of my BFF, I've committed to the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront (Half) Marathon on October 14th.  If I tell people, I'll feel accountable (or so I'm told).

So, I have 77 days to train my body and mind that I can once again run 21.1kms.  My running efforts this season have been lacking but now I have no choice.  I'm committed.  I'm gonna do it.

Unfortunately, this likely means that I won't be walking in the Weekend to End Women's Cancers this September.  I was training for this same half marathon last year but the walk absolutely destroyed my hips & feet and I just couldn't recover in time.  I knew that if I did it, I'd likely do permanent damage.

I'll be heading out tomorrow for a 10km run.  I hope I make it.

Fail & Win

I spoke too soon.  When I posted about my first run of 3 on May 15th, I was perhaps feeling overly ambitious.  That was my first and last run that week.  I have many excuses but none of them too valid.

But...

I made up for it this week!  I ran on Tuesday, Wednesday & Friday.  I'm incredibly out of shape and I know this because my pace is completely off.  It's taking me way too long to complete a km but slow and steady wins the race, right?  I didn't do any great distances (between 3-5km) but I managed a collective 12.5km for the week.  It's definitely a start.

I'm planning a run tomorrow and I'm hyping myself up for a 6-8km distance.  I'm away at a retreat for work from Monday until Wednesday night so I'll already be behind for the week.  I'll have to squeeze in two short runs just to keep up with my personal challenge.

Not a clue what my weight is right now and I don't want to know.  Definitely know I'm not where I should be but my clothes are fitting and I'm sort of feeling confident in them.

It's a Sign

I bought the wrong battery. Well, I bought a 3V but it is a different 3V than what we need for the scale. I'm taking it as a sign that I'm not meant to see a number yet.

3V

I decided this evening that I'm not okay with the scale being broken. Purchasing deodourant for D and a 3V battery are on the agenda for tomorrow. Like I said, I'm certain I've lost some weight because there is no way you can eat like a bird and lose zero. I *think* I can tell around my ribcage but my tummy is still there. I'm destined to have a round little belly for life. Bah. That belly means good things but it also drives my poor body image.

(And yes, I realize I need to be working out as well...)

I'm a start-finish sort of girl. I need clear parameters and I need something to motivate me to keep going. I'm sure I'll want to barf or gouge my eyes out (or both) when I see the number on the scale (good God, please be under 140lbs) but I need proof of my efforts and my fatty ways.

Buttery popcorn for a snack tonight. Hold up! Cleanse friendly. Thank God. I was salivating at the thought of just one sip of the wine in D's glass but resisted all temptation.

10 minutes away from day 13.

Friday the 13th

Once again, MIA. Knowingly. The lack of posts hasn't been because of work or home or even lack of things to say but more because I've been trying to wrap my head around my intentions for 2012. I'd like to say that I don't do NY resolutions but I do... I just don't put too much stock into them. As usual, I've got things like eat better, run more, work harder but this year (I think) is all about the moment. I'm determined to live in the moment and just ENJOY.

I'm making an effort to let go of resentment and any sort of bitterness and just move forward. It's not like I'm some scowling hag but yes, I tend to hold grudges and that can affect all other things. What's the point? To be honest, it isn't taking much of an effort because I'm just doing it. I'm done with it. I want to enjoy the day-to-day thing I've got going on over here. I want to stop & think and remind myself that it won't always be this way and that M is only small for such a short time. I need to focus my energy on enjoying M & D (and our families & friends) more and worry less about the stuff -- getting things done, going places, etc.

Anyway... I guess the word for 2012 is enjoy.

What else is new?

Today is day 11 of a cleanse. Well, same cleanse I did about 6 months ago (Wild Rose 12-Day Detox) and technically, tomorrow is my last day. Sunday? Day 1 or 13... however you choose to look at it. I've decided to do another round back-to-back in the hopes of establishing clean eating habits and of course, a bit of weight loss. I'm sure I've lost about 5lbs (scale is broken but I'm okay with that right now) but I have more to go. I'm at the point in the cleanse where it's safe to add in some exercise without fear of exploding so tomorrow, I'm going to attempt the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels. It came in the mail today and I promptly sat down tonight to watch the Level 1 workout to see what I was in for... with bowl of popcorn in hand. Sigh. Popcorn WITH butter is allowed on the Wild Rose! It's not like I was cheating.

It's cold outside and there's snow on the ground so I think my running is on hold until spring. I'm sure I've said this before but I'm not meant to be a winter runner. I get out maybe 3 times every winter and it just isn't for me. So, I'll attempt the Shred and come February, get back into going to the gym. Again, need to finish the cleanse.

And that's pretty much the end of my Friday night stream of consciousness. It's early but I'm heading to bed. I've got a 25 minute workout planned for the morning. Barf.

Meal Plan for the Week of November 14th

This week is one of using up what's in the pantry & freezer as well as trying a few new recipes.

Grilled pork tenderloin with veggies & rice (boring)

Penne w/ spinach, gorgonzola & walnuts (new recipe)

Pressed brie, turkey & pear sandwiches w/ thyme & grainy mustard (new recipe)

White chili (old recipe but using chicken instead of turkey this time around)

Linguini w/ meat sauce (boring but I've got the sauce in the freezer)

Risotto with salad

Of course, I will just sniff the dishes instead of eating them. You know, weight loss mission and all...

Sunday Randomness

I had my yearly physical last Thursday and the doctor was so kind to notice that I've gained 14lbs since my appointment just one year ago.

14 fucking lbs!!! Insane.

Now, this isn't my regular doctor as she is on mat leave so I get that she's obviously not used to my yo-yo ways. She flipped through my file and noted that on a year to year basis, my weight fluctuates anywhere from 5 to 10lbs or more. This is by far my biggest spread. Literally. She gently suggested I lose weigh and get to a reasonable size that I can maintain. How novel!

So, once again, I'm back to obsessing about what I eat... even more so than I do already but maybe now I'll obsess about eating a bit less rather than attempting a Guinness record for how much buttery popcorn I can shove in my mouth at once.

Tomorrow. I'll start tomorrow.

Tonight's dinner? Filet mignon with garlicky gorgonzola butter, grilled white asparagus & beets, orzo with parmesan & basil and Caesar salad.

8km!!!

2 Down!

Add another 8km run to the pile! Well, pile of 2. I don't know but I'd venture a good guess that a co-worker asking if I was pregnant (I'm not) was a pretty amazing kick in the ass to get back out there.

Um, I also weighed myself this morning. 143lbs. HOLY SHIT!

7.5km!

I psyched myself up ALL day and pushed myself out the door once D got home from work. I took a different route so I wouldn't be able to accurately determine the distance. I was pleasantly surprised that it was 7.5km but a little bit annoyed that I didn't cross the 8km mark! Regardless, it was good to get out for a run.

Must get out again this week... at least one more time before Sunday's CIBC Run for the Cure.