Saturday Night Party

Between trying to stay warm on this chilly Saturday and hoping to dig myself out of this mountain of work that followed me home this weekend, I'm finally sitting on the couch and doing nothing. I snacked on buttery popcorn, nursed some Emergen-C (the sick & cleansing girl's alternative to wine) and am immersing myself in old episodes of Sex and the City on Cosmo. I am not ashamed to admit that I love(d) this series and am currently experiencing some fond deja vu.

When I first moved to Toronto in the fall of 2000, I was living in my very first OWN home. I loved my little loft on King West and how it afforded me the opportunity to do what I wanted and when I wanted. Saturday nights became my mandated night at home -- I'd start laundry for the week, clean the place and always always ALWAYS indulge in buttery popcorn for dinner followed by a couple glasses of wine... and Sex and the City. At that time, SATC was on Bravo after 11pm. I'd watch in bed and follow it up with miscellaneous crap shows on MTV (Sorority Life, Fraternity Life, etc.) before eventually falling asleep only to wake up, walk the dog and quickly get back into bed in time for Coronation Street to start.

Over the years, some of these have changed. I no longer eat popcorn for dinner because it isn't really the responsible thing to feed your family. Those cheesy shows on MTV are no longer on but that doesn't mean I haven't replaced them with things like The Bachelor & Jersey Shore (which I have somehow coerced poor D into watching with me). Sunday mornings are always reserved for Corrie though I now pepper my Sunday mornings with an early trip to the grocery store. Save for seeing the SATC movies, I haven't watched an episode in ages. Years.

Until recently... over the last few Saturday nights, I've found myself on the couch surfing the television while D has been out or busy doing his own thing downstairs. I have rediscovered my love for SATC. I found it on Cosmo a few weeks ago and it pretty much plays back-to-back episodes all Saturday evening from early until late. Last week, I stayed up way too late watching old episodes and I'm already feeling like tonight could be a repeat. Love this show. I popped some popcorn and settled in with a blanket & laptop to do my usual 'net surfing and am now 3 episodes in on the 3rd season.

My tame Saturday nights as of late are a total throwback to a time 10+ years ago. Good God, I wasn't even 25 at that time.

I've now officially made myself feel old & depressed. This senior citizen is shutting things down and heading to bed.

It's a Sign

I bought the wrong battery. Well, I bought a 3V but it is a different 3V than what we need for the scale. I'm taking it as a sign that I'm not meant to see a number yet.

3V

I decided this evening that I'm not okay with the scale being broken. Purchasing deodourant for D and a 3V battery are on the agenda for tomorrow. Like I said, I'm certain I've lost some weight because there is no way you can eat like a bird and lose zero. I *think* I can tell around my ribcage but my tummy is still there. I'm destined to have a round little belly for life. Bah. That belly means good things but it also drives my poor body image.

(And yes, I realize I need to be working out as well...)

I'm a start-finish sort of girl. I need clear parameters and I need something to motivate me to keep going. I'm sure I'll want to barf or gouge my eyes out (or both) when I see the number on the scale (good God, please be under 140lbs) but I need proof of my efforts and my fatty ways.

Buttery popcorn for a snack tonight. Hold up! Cleanse friendly. Thank God. I was salivating at the thought of just one sip of the wine in D's glass but resisted all temptation.

10 minutes away from day 13.

Friday the 13th

Once again, MIA. Knowingly. The lack of posts hasn't been because of work or home or even lack of things to say but more because I've been trying to wrap my head around my intentions for 2012. I'd like to say that I don't do NY resolutions but I do... I just don't put too much stock into them. As usual, I've got things like eat better, run more, work harder but this year (I think) is all about the moment. I'm determined to live in the moment and just ENJOY.

I'm making an effort to let go of resentment and any sort of bitterness and just move forward. It's not like I'm some scowling hag but yes, I tend to hold grudges and that can affect all other things. What's the point? To be honest, it isn't taking much of an effort because I'm just doing it. I'm done with it. I want to enjoy the day-to-day thing I've got going on over here. I want to stop & think and remind myself that it won't always be this way and that M is only small for such a short time. I need to focus my energy on enjoying M & D (and our families & friends) more and worry less about the stuff -- getting things done, going places, etc.

Anyway... I guess the word for 2012 is enjoy.

What else is new?

Today is day 11 of a cleanse. Well, same cleanse I did about 6 months ago (Wild Rose 12-Day Detox) and technically, tomorrow is my last day. Sunday? Day 1 or 13... however you choose to look at it. I've decided to do another round back-to-back in the hopes of establishing clean eating habits and of course, a bit of weight loss. I'm sure I've lost about 5lbs (scale is broken but I'm okay with that right now) but I have more to go. I'm at the point in the cleanse where it's safe to add in some exercise without fear of exploding so tomorrow, I'm going to attempt the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels. It came in the mail today and I promptly sat down tonight to watch the Level 1 workout to see what I was in for... with bowl of popcorn in hand. Sigh. Popcorn WITH butter is allowed on the Wild Rose! It's not like I was cheating.

It's cold outside and there's snow on the ground so I think my running is on hold until spring. I'm sure I've said this before but I'm not meant to be a winter runner. I get out maybe 3 times every winter and it just isn't for me. So, I'll attempt the Shred and come February, get back into going to the gym. Again, need to finish the cleanse.

And that's pretty much the end of my Friday night stream of consciousness. It's early but I'm heading to bed. I've got a 25 minute workout planned for the morning. Barf.

NYE 2011

I guess this is when I'm supposed sum up the last year and make grand sweeping resolutions about the one to come? Um.

I'm really not feeling very reflective lately. If anything, I've been dragging this nagging defeated feeling around with me for a little bit now and I'm trying to get over it. I simply feel defeated. Lots of successes but lots of things that I wouldn't call failures but more or less speed bumps in the day to day. Maybe this is my thing? I know I felt this way last year around this time, too.

2011 was a good year. It was a sad year, too. It was challenging and trying at times, too. But, it was damn rewarding. Achievements all around for my little family with D, M & I exceeding milestones & goals. Things happened that will stay with us forever and that's okay. Sad but okay. We learn from them, right? We change our ways & behaviour and when we say we'll do it differently, we do our best to do it.

What's on the horizon for 2012? Lots. I'm not a fortune teller and I've never seen a psychic but I'm pretty sure it's going to be a good good year. I'm rapidly approaching my 35th birthday and some big professional bests at work. D & I will celebrate our 2nd anniversary (yes, do the math... SINNERS!) and I'm sure that anniversary will come with a weekend in NYC. We'll continue to watch with amazement as M grows into this little boy before our eyes and soon enough, we'll be singing at his 3rd birthday. All of that and that only gets us to April! See? Big things, people, big things. I'd say it's really just the beginning of the good stuff...

Beer & Cheddar Fondue

This is the recipe I followed (well, omitted caraway seeds & cut back on the sherry by 1 tbsp.) for our Christmas Eve fondue. I've been searching for a versatile recipe that we can hopefully rely on year after year for this little tradition of ours and so far, this one is a keeper.

Beer & Cheddar Fondue

1 tbsp. unsalted butter

1/2 small yellow onion, minced (about 1/3 cup)

1 large clove garlic, minced

12 oz. Emmentaler cheese, coarsely grated (about 3 lightly packed cups)

8 oz. extra sharp white Cheddar, coarsely grated (about 2 lightly packed cups)

4 oz. Gruyere, coarsely grated (about 1 lightly packed cup)

2 tbsp. cornstarch

1 tsp. dry mustard

1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper

1 12-oz. can lager-style beer (preferably Budweiser according to Fine Cooking)

2 tbsp. Amontillado sherry (I used whatever I had on hand)

Kosher salt

Melt the butter in a 2-qt flameproof fondue pot or a heavy saucepan over medium-low heat. Add the onion and garlic and cook, stirring occasionally, until completely soft and beginning to caramelize (about 15-20 minutes).

Meanwhile, in a large bowl, toss the Emmentaler, Cheddar and Gruyere with the cornstarch, mustard and pepper.

Add the beer & increase the heat to high and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium low and simmer to mellow the flavour of the beer (about 3 minutes).

Sprinkle the cheese mixture into the pot a large handful at a time, stirring each batch in a back & forth pattern so the cheese doesn't ball up as it melts. Continue adding and stirring until all of the cheese is melted, smooth & thick. Adjust the heat as necessary to maintain barely a simmer. Stir in the sherry and season with salt. If using a saucepan, transfer the fondue to a fondue pot and set the pot over a low flame to keep warm.

Dipping Ingredients: Cubes of tenderloin, shrimp, grilled sausage slices, ciabatta bread cubes, apple slices, steamed carrots, broccoli & asparagus, gherkins.

Beer & Cheddar Fondue, Fine Cooking #82, back cover. December 1, 2006.

Memories

Know that feeling of remembering something that you were likely too young to really remember when it happened? Like, you talk about or do something with your little one and sort of suddenly remember it happening to you as a child?

When I was growing up, we used to visit my nan every Saturday night in Toronto. My aunts and their families all lived close to her so it was pretty much a family affair every week. We'd make the 45 minute drive for dinner & a visit and before we'd leave, my parents would get me (my brother was 7 years older) into my pajamas and we'd head for home. Inevitably, I'd fall asleep in the car and my mum or dad would have to unbuckle me & carry me upstairs to bed. I feel like this is something I *shouldn't* be able to remember because I was likely so young and it was so long ago. It's like I'm just creating those memories in my head because I know it actually happened and have heard the stories from my parents. Regardless, it's a sweet memory and I'm holding on to it.

Following dinner at my parent's house tonight, we got M into his jammies and ready to go. It was well past his bedtime by the time we started our 45 minute drive and by the time we got home, he was still awake but so tired. I scooped him out of his car seat and carried him inside. He chose the toys he'd like to take to bed (James & Salty from the Thomas series) and we walked upstairs. He was asleep within minutes and as I type this, I can hear his little breaths through the monitor. I had such a warm feeling the entire time and it was like I had one of those "I am my mum or dad" moments. It was a really nice, envelope yourself in warmth & love sort of feelings. It's sort of like things have come full circle.

All in all, a fabulous day with family. By the end of this evening, my Christmas spirit was restored -- the frustrating attempts to find the perfect gift for hard to buy for people and the general madness at work that has overshadowed decorating & prepping and everything else that fought my spirit were gone. Today, it was just about being with family and having fun. I feel like I soaked it all in and really enjoyed everything about it... laughs, food and yes, the gifts.

Today was a lovely little day and one that I will carry with me. I know it happened because I was there... and I'll remind M of the times we used to carry him out of the car and straight to bed when he's doing the same with his little ones.