Resolutions 2013 - Kitchen Edition

Panna cotta.  Perfect panna cotta.
Beef Wellington.  Sans mushrooms because mushrooms are gross.
Butternut squash & goat cheese lasagne.
A turkey.  By myself.
Meal planning.  Weekly.  Again.

Mother's Day

In advance of the big day, I got in touch with a couple mum friends and suggested we meet up for pints.  Sounds good, right?  It was great.  I spent the morning with my boys (was treated to a new iPod Nano & running watch, a lie in and breakfast made by someone other than ME) and then skipped off to meet up with two friends.  We spent the afternoon slinging pints, eating cheeses & oysters before stumbling home 8 (yes, 8!!!) hours later.  Bed by 11pm and not a fuzzy feeling in the head the next day!

Definitely needs to become tradition.  Definitely.

2 Months Plus Some

I've been MIA.  Again.  Work & family life has been nuts lately.  I need a weekend just to recover from my weekend.  I'm frazzled yet collected yet coming apart at the seams yet making it happen.  You know? I haven't been in a great place mentally lately so I've been avoiding blogging.  I feel bitchy and cranky and disgruntled.  And tired.  Oh so tired.  Alas, I've got to get it together, plod ahead and get into a better mindset.

Things...

We went to NYC.  I'll do another food review soon.  We ate our way through the city AGAIN.  Obviously.

M turned 3!!!  Time really does fly when you're having fun.

18+ months of hard work have paid off and construction activities have started on my site.  The insanity is about to increase...  tenfold.

I read the Fifty Shades trilogy.  I want to read it again.  I might need my own Christian Grey.

So...

Yeah, that's it for me.  I haven't jumped ship and I'm still here...  hoping to blog a bit more soon.

(Both times, I typed blob instead of blog...  am I trying to tell you something?)

Judgment Day

A friend's FB status today was about how her kids go bananas when walking into daycare and insist on being carried. She was venting and maybe asking for a bit of advice when one of our mutual friends chimed in and the first question she asked was "do you feel guilty for taking your kids to daycare" before moving on to other questions and finally suggesting that maybe the kids are picking up on mom's vibes.

This question pissed me off. It really did and I let it be known. Yes, I know what she was getting at and she didn't really mean for it to be interpreted that way but she said it and it rubbed me the wrong way. I responded with a sarcastic "I didn't know we were supposed to feel guilty for taking our kids to daycare" before responding directly to my friend's original status.

Stuff like this gets my back up. I've had SO many people ask me if I feel guilty for working or how many hours M spends at daycare and while I maybe sometimes feel not-so-great-on-certain-but-rare-days, I am so over the guilt thing. This is our reality and it works for us and ALL of us are thriving and dare I say... loving it?

As mothers, we judge. I know I did (and do truth be told) though I'm trying to ignore anything that doesn't involve me & our bubble of a life but yeah, I judge the mother who stands there pushing a baby stroller while smoking or the mother who makes no attempt to teach her kid manners and I certainly judge the mother who judges ME. I try not to judge the action but yes ma'am, I will judge the person who judges me.

Since having a baby, I have noticed that some other mothers feel it's within their right to question other mother's parenting choices. The first question most people ask after a mother has her baby is if she had an epidural (I did) or if she did it all naturally. I had SO many people pass judgment on me because I/we CHOSE not to breastfeed. Friends made comments, suggested I just try it, tell me it was better for MY baby, etc. We did not practice attachment parenting and in my little online community of mothers, that was a fate worse than death. When I went back to work, friends constantly asked if I felt guilty about it or if I thought I SHOULD stay home with my son or even implied that my choice to return to work was BAD.

I really don't care how you raise your kid(s) because at the end of the day, you don't live in my home. As long as your kid grows to be a functioning part of society -- you know, doesn't rob banks, beat up other kids and that sort of thing -- I don't care what you do to get them there. Your daughter is in daycare? *gasp* You breastfed your toddler? *omg* You gave birth and took the drugs? *shame* Why do we do this to each other?!

Judge me or make a blanket judgmental statement and yes, I'll judge you for making such ridiculous and ignorant comments that work to make a mother feel badly about the decisions she (and her partner) have made. I'll maybe even judge you for the fear that your kids will pick up on these sorts of ignorant thoughts.

Saturday Night Party

Between trying to stay warm on this chilly Saturday and hoping to dig myself out of this mountain of work that followed me home this weekend, I'm finally sitting on the couch and doing nothing. I snacked on buttery popcorn, nursed some Emergen-C (the sick & cleansing girl's alternative to wine) and am immersing myself in old episodes of Sex and the City on Cosmo. I am not ashamed to admit that I love(d) this series and am currently experiencing some fond deja vu.

When I first moved to Toronto in the fall of 2000, I was living in my very first OWN home. I loved my little loft on King West and how it afforded me the opportunity to do what I wanted and when I wanted. Saturday nights became my mandated night at home -- I'd start laundry for the week, clean the place and always always ALWAYS indulge in buttery popcorn for dinner followed by a couple glasses of wine... and Sex and the City. At that time, SATC was on Bravo after 11pm. I'd watch in bed and follow it up with miscellaneous crap shows on MTV (Sorority Life, Fraternity Life, etc.) before eventually falling asleep only to wake up, walk the dog and quickly get back into bed in time for Coronation Street to start.

Over the years, some of these have changed. I no longer eat popcorn for dinner because it isn't really the responsible thing to feed your family. Those cheesy shows on MTV are no longer on but that doesn't mean I haven't replaced them with things like The Bachelor & Jersey Shore (which I have somehow coerced poor D into watching with me). Sunday mornings are always reserved for Corrie though I now pepper my Sunday mornings with an early trip to the grocery store. Save for seeing the SATC movies, I haven't watched an episode in ages. Years.

Until recently... over the last few Saturday nights, I've found myself on the couch surfing the television while D has been out or busy doing his own thing downstairs. I have rediscovered my love for SATC. I found it on Cosmo a few weeks ago and it pretty much plays back-to-back episodes all Saturday evening from early until late. Last week, I stayed up way too late watching old episodes and I'm already feeling like tonight could be a repeat. Love this show. I popped some popcorn and settled in with a blanket & laptop to do my usual 'net surfing and am now 3 episodes in on the 3rd season.

My tame Saturday nights as of late are a total throwback to a time 10+ years ago. Good God, I wasn't even 25 at that time.

I've now officially made myself feel old & depressed. This senior citizen is shutting things down and heading to bed.

NYE 2011

I guess this is when I'm supposed sum up the last year and make grand sweeping resolutions about the one to come? Um.

I'm really not feeling very reflective lately. If anything, I've been dragging this nagging defeated feeling around with me for a little bit now and I'm trying to get over it. I simply feel defeated. Lots of successes but lots of things that I wouldn't call failures but more or less speed bumps in the day to day. Maybe this is my thing? I know I felt this way last year around this time, too.

2011 was a good year. It was a sad year, too. It was challenging and trying at times, too. But, it was damn rewarding. Achievements all around for my little family with D, M & I exceeding milestones & goals. Things happened that will stay with us forever and that's okay. Sad but okay. We learn from them, right? We change our ways & behaviour and when we say we'll do it differently, we do our best to do it.

What's on the horizon for 2012? Lots. I'm not a fortune teller and I've never seen a psychic but I'm pretty sure it's going to be a good good year. I'm rapidly approaching my 35th birthday and some big professional bests at work. D & I will celebrate our 2nd anniversary (yes, do the math... SINNERS!) and I'm sure that anniversary will come with a weekend in NYC. We'll continue to watch with amazement as M grows into this little boy before our eyes and soon enough, we'll be singing at his 3rd birthday. All of that and that only gets us to April! See? Big things, people, big things. I'd say it's really just the beginning of the good stuff...

Memories

Know that feeling of remembering something that you were likely too young to really remember when it happened? Like, you talk about or do something with your little one and sort of suddenly remember it happening to you as a child?

When I was growing up, we used to visit my nan every Saturday night in Toronto. My aunts and their families all lived close to her so it was pretty much a family affair every week. We'd make the 45 minute drive for dinner & a visit and before we'd leave, my parents would get me (my brother was 7 years older) into my pajamas and we'd head for home. Inevitably, I'd fall asleep in the car and my mum or dad would have to unbuckle me & carry me upstairs to bed. I feel like this is something I *shouldn't* be able to remember because I was likely so young and it was so long ago. It's like I'm just creating those memories in my head because I know it actually happened and have heard the stories from my parents. Regardless, it's a sweet memory and I'm holding on to it.

Following dinner at my parent's house tonight, we got M into his jammies and ready to go. It was well past his bedtime by the time we started our 45 minute drive and by the time we got home, he was still awake but so tired. I scooped him out of his car seat and carried him inside. He chose the toys he'd like to take to bed (James & Salty from the Thomas series) and we walked upstairs. He was asleep within minutes and as I type this, I can hear his little breaths through the monitor. I had such a warm feeling the entire time and it was like I had one of those "I am my mum or dad" moments. It was a really nice, envelope yourself in warmth & love sort of feelings. It's sort of like things have come full circle.

All in all, a fabulous day with family. By the end of this evening, my Christmas spirit was restored -- the frustrating attempts to find the perfect gift for hard to buy for people and the general madness at work that has overshadowed decorating & prepping and everything else that fought my spirit were gone. Today, it was just about being with family and having fun. I feel like I soaked it all in and really enjoyed everything about it... laughs, food and yes, the gifts.

Today was a lovely little day and one that I will carry with me. I know it happened because I was there... and I'll remind M of the times we used to carry him out of the car and straight to bed when he's doing the same with his little ones.

Bah Humbug.

Pretty sure I posted a similar title and post last year (and the year before and and and). Yeah, I have next to no Christmas spirit this year. I'm swamped at work and barely swimming and meanwhile, I'm mentally checking out. I'm tired, drained and quite simply, my brain just can't put it together. I got an email tonight from a consultant around 10pm and I think I said "huh?" 43 times while reading it. I just couldn't compute and will have to deal with it in the morning. Meanwhile, my consultants are obviously busting their butts to meet a January deadline (obvious by the late email) and my faculties are MIA so I can't even register what's a question or a statement.

I'm not done my Christmas shopping and feel unprepared this year. I didn't really have many to buy for but those on my list are damn difficult to please. I have a few last minute things to pick up and hopefully I can square that away tomorrow. It's my thing to refuse to shop on Christmas Eve.

Our fridge is EMPTY save for ground flax, maple syrup, cherry tomatoes, carrots and one lone hunk of gouda. Oh and a whole lot of condiments that are probably close to walking out on their own. Needless to say, I need to meal plan & shop in a bad way.

I just found out that I have to bring dessert to a relatively last minute Boxing Day function. Give me savoury any day and I will cook my little heart out. I only really tolerate baking now and do it as a means to the muffin... and the odd time I'll bake a loaf or cookies. The thought of baking dessert is horrifying to me and I just don't want to do it. I don't want to plan it, shop for it or bake it. Can't I just bring green beans?!

Anyway, I feel like time is flying and I'm just sort of skimming through my days and weeks and months. I don't feel grounded with my family so I'm looking forward to some good times with my boys (and my golden girl) over the holidays. A few days at home are sure to do me good.

2/3

We're only a week in and I've already completed 2 of my 3 goals for November. I packed up the car yesterday and made the trip to my parent's house to store a number of items. While there, my dad helped me install M's car seat FF. It is a BIZARRE feeling to have him sitting FF and I'll own up to being on edge while driving back home on the highway yesterday. I really need to get over it.

I've set a new mini goal for this week and I'm hoping to go for 5 runs in 5 days. Distance and time doesn't matter but it's just about getting out for a run. Tonight's run was a quick 5km. I'm prepping tomorrow's dinner right now so I can hopefully get out right after work.

3 in 30 in November

I'm aiming for no repeats with my challenges this month so here goes!

1. Buy 5 Christmas presents. Doesn't matter who they're for as long as they're bought. We don't have many to buy for but I'd like to feel ahead of the game this year.
2. Pack up the car and take a drive to the storage unit (read: my parent's basement). We're getting our floors refinished so anything with wheels has got to go. Poor M! His beloved MINI car will be getting parked for the season.
3. Turn M's car seat forward facing.

The third one will be tough for me but it's time. He's almost 40lbs (which is the RFing max for his car seat) and... well, it's time. Sigh. I really REALLY wanted to last until he was 3 and there is a *small* part of me that is tempted to buy a new seat that we could RF until he was heavier but to compromise, we agreed to FF but in the middle of the backseat instead of behind the passenger (or driver).

So, that's it for November. I've got 27 days to get my act together.

October Wrap-Up!

Remember October's 3 in 30? Well, I didn't do that well when it came to 2 of the 3. I barely ran and I certain didn't clean the car. However, I did manage to have a very successful spend little to zero month! I think I only bought lunch once last month and if I spent anything on coffee or tea, I certainly don't remember. I definitely noticed a difference in our bank account. There was something very satisfying about this challenge and I'm going to keep it up for November. Don't they say that if you do something for 90 days, it becomes routine? We'll see!

Ketchup!

Last week was my first 100% 5-day spend $0 week. Woohoo! I haven't bought a tea, coffee or lunch in over 3 weeks and I'm happy to say that I am noticing a difference (in the bank account, not the waistline).

Runs? Zero. Blah.

Random...

Watching Hoarders makes me want to purge our house. Badly. It makes me want to get organized and STAY organized. How is it possible that we have so much stuff? And why is it so hard to get rid of stuff? I'm pretty good with moving past the whole 'might need it one day' thing and getting rid of it -- recycling it, throwing it out, donating, etc. Yet, I don't feel like we ever make decent progress. I'm convinced the only way to truly purge & organize is to move. Moving isn't an option (sorry, D, no starter home in Forest Hill just yet) so I guess we just have to put our heads down and be ruthless.

I'm obsessed with making lasagne. I made my first one (veggies only) a few weeks ago and yesterday, I whipped up a traditional meaty lasagne with a veggie twist (a grated carrot, zucchini & mushroom layer).

I've never been a big fan of Hallowe'en. I don't do costumes and I wouldn't say I love handing out candy to kids that are too old & not wearing costumes. D is convinced our house will be covered with egg & toilet paper one day from my cunning questioning of said kids. That said, I'm excited this year because we will be taking M trick or treating for the first time. We'll go to 3 or 4 houses and he will love it. I'll enlist his help to hand out candy, too. We're also doing a little Hallowe'en party for M & his friends next Saturday so I'm pretty excited to see our friends and let the kids play, costumes & all.

So, yeah... that's my update. Off I go to find 10 things to donate & 10 things to toss. Obsessed!

3 in 30... To Date!

No runs and only 2 spend $0 days this week. The 3 days that did involve spending money had nothing to do with coffee or food but rather, snowsuits & pajamas for M, birthday cards and gifts. I'm still motivated and loving the fact that I haven't dropped a dime on coffee, tea or lunch at work!

D did a quick purge of the car so it is getting there. I'm hoping to tackle it on Sunday and get it to the point where we can take it somewhere to be detailed.

I really need to get out for a run this weekend. Pretty sure all the stuffing and gravy will push me over the edge!

3 in 30 for October

Okay, here goes...

1. Get out for 10 runs. Yes, I'm attempting this one again. I kicked off the month with running 5km in the CIBC Run for the Cure and I'm determined to get out a couple times a week this month. 9 more to go!
2. Aim for a minimum of 3 $0 days each week. This means no coffee or tea, bringing my lunch and basically trying to watch what I spend. I managed to have 4 $0 days last week so hopefully I can keep it up.
3. Clean the car inside and out. We desperately need this one to be done before the snow comes! It's currently a disgusting cesspool of old food, construction site filth and garbage.

Nothing too crazy and for most people, all practical things. We are NOT most people! I'm not holding my breath on #3. Good luck to me!

September's 3 in 30

Remember this? Um, yeah. EPIC FAIL. I didn't get out for 10 runs (though I did walk 35km in the Weekend to End Women's Cancers and ran one measly 8km run) and I didn't make any headway in M's future room. I did go to Value Village and dropped off some stuff one day but it really didn't make a dent. I certainly didn't stick to $130/week for groceries. Case in point? $168 today.

I'm about to post my 3 in 30 for October and hoping for better success (read: motivation).

4 Days!

I managed to last 4 days!!!

3 Days

I successfully went 3 consecutive days without spending a dime at work. This is BIG. I made my own tea instead of buying a latte and I brought my lunch & snacks all days.

I didn't feel deprived per se but I noticed it at lunch. I almost always eat lunch at my desk so there is a big difference between popping outside for 15 minutes to grab something and reaching across your desk and pulling a Tupperware towards you. I escaped the office today and wandered Indigo. I fought temptation and resisted buying unnecessary Hallowe'en decorations. M & I will get a little crafty and make some fun decorations for our windows & doors.

My best guess is that I saved myself at least $30. It may not be a huge savings but it's definitely a start! If I can keep this up and try to have at least 3 spend nothing days a week, I'll be pleased. We likely won't notice a huge difference in our account but at least I'll feel less like we spend unnecessarily each week.

Spending Habits...

Also, I have (once again) learned that most of my/our spending is completely out of ritual. Coffee is a ritual, lunch out is a ritual, buying books for M at Indigo at lunch is a ritual... all of these little rituals are really distractions and these distractions are not always necessary. I won't say unnecessary because I simply don't believe it (yes, there are days when I absolutely NEED that latte) but I will agree we can work on them.

Budgeting 101

D & I are notoriously bad with budgeting. It's not like we live beyond our means but we definitely life life to the fullest with our means. Yes, we contribute monthly to our RRSPs and we save every penny M has ever earned in his own bank account BUT we are damn good at spending our earnings.

I'm the one who 'manages' our money. By this, I mean I stalk (yes, literally stalk) our bank account daily, freak out about overspending in certain areas and make sure bills are paid on time and all balances are favourable. Admittedly, I like it this way but there are times when I wish D wanted to know a bit more about what was going on with our finances. You know, accountability and all that fun stuff.

When I look at what we earn and all our fixed expenses, I am continually floored by where our money goes. Yes, I know I don't NEED that $5.14 latte every.single.morning but I feel like I do in that moment. I've also slacked on taking a lunch, which means eating out (costly AND unhealthy). We tend to eat out a fair bit on weekends and with that means having a drink or two. It all adds up, right? D & I both have indulgences where we can scale back so we're working on those.

Earlier tonight, my friend told me about Mint, which is a free online program that brings all your financial accounts together in one place, categorizes transactions and sets budgets. It's safe, fun (no, really, it's fun!) and FREE. Did I mention it's free? It's so much better than a crappy Excel spreadsheet because it is live and updates every time you sign in. I set everything up tonight and I *think* I've got all our fixed expenses listed. Mint was kind enough to immediately tell me where we've spent too much money this month -- alcohol & bars (oops!), clothing (it's all for M, I swear... and he needs it... change in seasons and all) and groceries (um, yeah... no surprise).

I'm curious to see how this program works for us over the month of October and if it actually pushes us to watch our spending. By our, I mean, me. D & I have set some mini financial goals for the winter -- things we want to accomplish or do around the house -- and at some point, we need a swift kick in the butts to get on the saving train. I'm excited to use this program and look forward to updating at the end of October!

Weekend Update

Despite a few little hiccups, I think we (I) managed to put together a weekend that was all about us and what we (I) wanted to do.

We left our neighbourhood and ventured to the Evergreen Brick Works on Saturday morning. We grabbed coffees & cookies, wandered the trails and cruised the Farmer's Market. This place is amazing and hands down one of the best places in the city. We had a visit from friends later and spent the late afternoon/evening walking around our 'hood.

On Sunday morning, we met up with friends at the Danforth East Arts Festival and enjoyed brunch on a patio before coming home for the afternoon. M & I both spent the afternoon napping while D went out with his dad and ran a few errands.

We ate out minimally this weekend (a rarity for us) and I managed to get ahead with meal preparation for the week. White chili, shepherd's pie, beef stew... we'll have a few meals ready to go when we get home from work. Phew.

All in all, it was a great weekend. Once again, I didn't accomplish too much around the house but we did things that were out of our routine and we did them together. Moods were good and everyone was happy. We needed it.