I feel completely sad, overwhelmed and defeated. I don't even want to talk about it because all I can do is crack jokes and make it seem like I'm okay with it but really, I'm not. I'm frustrated because I feel like all the extra effort we're putting in isn't exactly paying off. I feel gipped that we aren't getting this part of toddlerhood and we have to work for it. I feel like nobody believes me when I say he has said certain words (banana and book, for example) but that he just won't say them again. I just want to squeeze him with so much love that words fly out of his mouth!
We have been working with an speech/language pathologist (SLP) for over a month now and while he is making some progress, it isn't happening how I'd like it to happen. You know, NOW. Much of what we're taught is common sense and I think M notices that we're engaging him in different ways. He looks to us & at us and is making more attempts to communicate verbally but he is not where he should be.
On Thursday, I asked the SLP if there was a chance M could have a tongue tie. Save for language, he is meeting or exceeding his milestones and we've never had any eating, drinking or teething issues. She explained the rarity of this and said it was unlikely M had this problem. I tried to argue that because I never breastfed, maybe it just hadn't been discovered. Nope, no bite. I broke down and told her that I need an answer or reason why this happening. I want it to be something that is an easy fix. I can't stop my brain from fast forwarding years down the road and creating all sorts of scenarios in my head. I hate to admit it but I don't want him to be that kid who needs extra help in class.
I felt so down all day on Thursday. I know we are so so so lucky to have such a perfect & healthy kid but I can't help but let this bother me. I want everything to be easy for him and it hurts me to see him struggling. Later that day, the SLP coordinator phoned to make sure I was okay as our SLP had let her know about my concerns (read: melodramatic mother exhibiting Munchausen syndrome) and we had one of the best chats I've had in a long time. I cried but she spoke over my sobs and made me agree that there is nothing we did or didn't do to have this happen. M is M is M and he was destined to have this problem. She reaffirmed that M will talk but that things are on his own time. She understood my concerns as both an SLP and a fellow mother.
I have to trust in the professionals and follow their program. They are going to speak with the teachers at M's daycare to ensure we're all following the same program. The SLP coordinator is going to sit in on M's next session to check progress and fingers crossed she'll see it.
So, we push forward with M. We speak clearly, verbalize EVERYTHING and ensure M is looking at us whenever we talk. We engage him, distract him and play with him at his level. Most of all, we love him. We will get there.
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