Judgment Day

A friend's FB status today was about how her kids go bananas when walking into daycare and insist on being carried. She was venting and maybe asking for a bit of advice when one of our mutual friends chimed in and the first question she asked was "do you feel guilty for taking your kids to daycare" before moving on to other questions and finally suggesting that maybe the kids are picking up on mom's vibes.

This question pissed me off. It really did and I let it be known. Yes, I know what she was getting at and she didn't really mean for it to be interpreted that way but she said it and it rubbed me the wrong way. I responded with a sarcastic "I didn't know we were supposed to feel guilty for taking our kids to daycare" before responding directly to my friend's original status.

Stuff like this gets my back up. I've had SO many people ask me if I feel guilty for working or how many hours M spends at daycare and while I maybe sometimes feel not-so-great-on-certain-but-rare-days, I am so over the guilt thing. This is our reality and it works for us and ALL of us are thriving and dare I say... loving it?

As mothers, we judge. I know I did (and do truth be told) though I'm trying to ignore anything that doesn't involve me & our bubble of a life but yeah, I judge the mother who stands there pushing a baby stroller while smoking or the mother who makes no attempt to teach her kid manners and I certainly judge the mother who judges ME. I try not to judge the action but yes ma'am, I will judge the person who judges me.

Since having a baby, I have noticed that some other mothers feel it's within their right to question other mother's parenting choices. The first question most people ask after a mother has her baby is if she had an epidural (I did) or if she did it all naturally. I had SO many people pass judgment on me because I/we CHOSE not to breastfeed. Friends made comments, suggested I just try it, tell me it was better for MY baby, etc. We did not practice attachment parenting and in my little online community of mothers, that was a fate worse than death. When I went back to work, friends constantly asked if I felt guilty about it or if I thought I SHOULD stay home with my son or even implied that my choice to return to work was BAD.

I really don't care how you raise your kid(s) because at the end of the day, you don't live in my home. As long as your kid grows to be a functioning part of society -- you know, doesn't rob banks, beat up other kids and that sort of thing -- I don't care what you do to get them there. Your daughter is in daycare? *gasp* You breastfed your toddler? *omg* You gave birth and took the drugs? *shame* Why do we do this to each other?!

Judge me or make a blanket judgmental statement and yes, I'll judge you for making such ridiculous and ignorant comments that work to make a mother feel badly about the decisions she (and her partner) have made. I'll maybe even judge you for the fear that your kids will pick up on these sorts of ignorant thoughts.