NYE 2011

I guess this is when I'm supposed sum up the last year and make grand sweeping resolutions about the one to come? Um.

I'm really not feeling very reflective lately. If anything, I've been dragging this nagging defeated feeling around with me for a little bit now and I'm trying to get over it. I simply feel defeated. Lots of successes but lots of things that I wouldn't call failures but more or less speed bumps in the day to day. Maybe this is my thing? I know I felt this way last year around this time, too.

2011 was a good year. It was a sad year, too. It was challenging and trying at times, too. But, it was damn rewarding. Achievements all around for my little family with D, M & I exceeding milestones & goals. Things happened that will stay with us forever and that's okay. Sad but okay. We learn from them, right? We change our ways & behaviour and when we say we'll do it differently, we do our best to do it.

What's on the horizon for 2012? Lots. I'm not a fortune teller and I've never seen a psychic but I'm pretty sure it's going to be a good good year. I'm rapidly approaching my 35th birthday and some big professional bests at work. D & I will celebrate our 2nd anniversary (yes, do the math... SINNERS!) and I'm sure that anniversary will come with a weekend in NYC. We'll continue to watch with amazement as M grows into this little boy before our eyes and soon enough, we'll be singing at his 3rd birthday. All of that and that only gets us to April! See? Big things, people, big things. I'd say it's really just the beginning of the good stuff...

Beer & Cheddar Fondue

This is the recipe I followed (well, omitted caraway seeds & cut back on the sherry by 1 tbsp.) for our Christmas Eve fondue. I've been searching for a versatile recipe that we can hopefully rely on year after year for this little tradition of ours and so far, this one is a keeper.

Beer & Cheddar Fondue

1 tbsp. unsalted butter

1/2 small yellow onion, minced (about 1/3 cup)

1 large clove garlic, minced

12 oz. Emmentaler cheese, coarsely grated (about 3 lightly packed cups)

8 oz. extra sharp white Cheddar, coarsely grated (about 2 lightly packed cups)

4 oz. Gruyere, coarsely grated (about 1 lightly packed cup)

2 tbsp. cornstarch

1 tsp. dry mustard

1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper

1 12-oz. can lager-style beer (preferably Budweiser according to Fine Cooking)

2 tbsp. Amontillado sherry (I used whatever I had on hand)

Kosher salt

Melt the butter in a 2-qt flameproof fondue pot or a heavy saucepan over medium-low heat. Add the onion and garlic and cook, stirring occasionally, until completely soft and beginning to caramelize (about 15-20 minutes).

Meanwhile, in a large bowl, toss the Emmentaler, Cheddar and Gruyere with the cornstarch, mustard and pepper.

Add the beer & increase the heat to high and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium low and simmer to mellow the flavour of the beer (about 3 minutes).

Sprinkle the cheese mixture into the pot a large handful at a time, stirring each batch in a back & forth pattern so the cheese doesn't ball up as it melts. Continue adding and stirring until all of the cheese is melted, smooth & thick. Adjust the heat as necessary to maintain barely a simmer. Stir in the sherry and season with salt. If using a saucepan, transfer the fondue to a fondue pot and set the pot over a low flame to keep warm.

Dipping Ingredients: Cubes of tenderloin, shrimp, grilled sausage slices, ciabatta bread cubes, apple slices, steamed carrots, broccoli & asparagus, gherkins.

Beer & Cheddar Fondue, Fine Cooking #82, back cover. December 1, 2006.

Memories

Know that feeling of remembering something that you were likely too young to really remember when it happened? Like, you talk about or do something with your little one and sort of suddenly remember it happening to you as a child?

When I was growing up, we used to visit my nan every Saturday night in Toronto. My aunts and their families all lived close to her so it was pretty much a family affair every week. We'd make the 45 minute drive for dinner & a visit and before we'd leave, my parents would get me (my brother was 7 years older) into my pajamas and we'd head for home. Inevitably, I'd fall asleep in the car and my mum or dad would have to unbuckle me & carry me upstairs to bed. I feel like this is something I *shouldn't* be able to remember because I was likely so young and it was so long ago. It's like I'm just creating those memories in my head because I know it actually happened and have heard the stories from my parents. Regardless, it's a sweet memory and I'm holding on to it.

Following dinner at my parent's house tonight, we got M into his jammies and ready to go. It was well past his bedtime by the time we started our 45 minute drive and by the time we got home, he was still awake but so tired. I scooped him out of his car seat and carried him inside. He chose the toys he'd like to take to bed (James & Salty from the Thomas series) and we walked upstairs. He was asleep within minutes and as I type this, I can hear his little breaths through the monitor. I had such a warm feeling the entire time and it was like I had one of those "I am my mum or dad" moments. It was a really nice, envelope yourself in warmth & love sort of feelings. It's sort of like things have come full circle.

All in all, a fabulous day with family. By the end of this evening, my Christmas spirit was restored -- the frustrating attempts to find the perfect gift for hard to buy for people and the general madness at work that has overshadowed decorating & prepping and everything else that fought my spirit were gone. Today, it was just about being with family and having fun. I feel like I soaked it all in and really enjoyed everything about it... laughs, food and yes, the gifts.

Today was a lovely little day and one that I will carry with me. I know it happened because I was there... and I'll remind M of the times we used to carry him out of the car and straight to bed when he's doing the same with his little ones.

Getting there!

It's amazing what some good food, drink, sleep & gifts can do for the ol' Christmas spirit. I think we're all in better moods today and looking forward to a big meal with family.

M was a bit freaked out by all the gifts that appeared under the tree while he slept and didn't want to come downstairs! He got over it and is now running from toy to toy like a nut. Sensory overload at its finest! D & I spoiled each other despite the usual no gifts (or nothing crazy) thing. Hello Bond No. 9 perfume that I have been coveting since we were last in NYC!

Wishing everyone & their families a very merry Christmas! Today is going to be a good day.

Seriously?

It's December 24th and I don't think there is a single ounce of Christmas spirit flowing through my veins. I'm really trying because I want this to be a really special year for D & M. It's our first Christmas without D's mom and it's also one of the first year that M is starting to get the whole idea of Santa, presents & all that good commercialism that comes with the holidays.

Things are just... I don't know... blah. I'm tired, cranky and just not into it. Perfect timing, PMS, perfect timing. Just abso-fucking-lutely perfect.

The house is filling with the sweet cinnamon-y smell of granola with almonds & pecans and later on, we'll be dragging bread & steak through cheesy fondue. Wine will be flowing and we'll go to bed with our bellies full only to wake up to presents, French toast & bacon and later, the best Christmas meal you'll ever have (thanks Mum!). Until then, I'll paste a smile on my face and stuff myself silly with delicious food & wine.

Oh and this song will be running on repeat in my head...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-58-36lSqG4

Merry Christmas Eve!

Bah Humbug.

Pretty sure I posted a similar title and post last year (and the year before and and and). Yeah, I have next to no Christmas spirit this year. I'm swamped at work and barely swimming and meanwhile, I'm mentally checking out. I'm tired, drained and quite simply, my brain just can't put it together. I got an email tonight from a consultant around 10pm and I think I said "huh?" 43 times while reading it. I just couldn't compute and will have to deal with it in the morning. Meanwhile, my consultants are obviously busting their butts to meet a January deadline (obvious by the late email) and my faculties are MIA so I can't even register what's a question or a statement.

I'm not done my Christmas shopping and feel unprepared this year. I didn't really have many to buy for but those on my list are damn difficult to please. I have a few last minute things to pick up and hopefully I can square that away tomorrow. It's my thing to refuse to shop on Christmas Eve.

Our fridge is EMPTY save for ground flax, maple syrup, cherry tomatoes, carrots and one lone hunk of gouda. Oh and a whole lot of condiments that are probably close to walking out on their own. Needless to say, I need to meal plan & shop in a bad way.

I just found out that I have to bring dessert to a relatively last minute Boxing Day function. Give me savoury any day and I will cook my little heart out. I only really tolerate baking now and do it as a means to the muffin... and the odd time I'll bake a loaf or cookies. The thought of baking dessert is horrifying to me and I just don't want to do it. I don't want to plan it, shop for it or bake it. Can't I just bring green beans?!

Anyway, I feel like time is flying and I'm just sort of skimming through my days and weeks and months. I don't feel grounded with my family so I'm looking forward to some good times with my boys (and my golden girl) over the holidays. A few days at home are sure to do me good.

One Month & 2 Days

Exactly how long I've been MIA and apparently, I've been missed (aw, thanks friends). Well, what have I been doing all this time?

Renovations, work, festivities, work, shopping, work... that pretty much sums it up. All these "things" got ahead of me and we've all been go go go lately. It's been hard to find a few minutes to blog because when I have had down time, I want to sit on the couch (and eat).

We refinished our floors, had the house painted, bought all new furniture for our living & dining areas and we're now trying to get our heads above water since realizing that Christmas is a mere 10 days away.

I'm cheating tonight with a little "I'm still alive" and will be back soon to do a longer, more thoughtful post. Soon. Promise.