Normal. Almost.

We're still here & we're still sad but we're moving ahead because that's what we have to do.  M still asks for Cear and talks about her like she's just in another room and it pretty much breaks my heart in half every.single.time.  The neighbours have noticed our absence from the sidewalks & parks and it's hard to tell them what happened.  We'll sing her praises forever and fondly remember her antics & nutty personality.  We're adapting to our new normal.

What else?

I'm cleansing.  Again.  Today is day 7 and I feel good.  I was bored out of my tree today and thought constantly about food & wine.  What does that say about me?

I got out last week for a couple short runs and it felt good.  My goal is 3x a week and all around the 5km mark.  Now to push myself to do it.  On that note, I had best intentions to get out this weekend and I didn't.  Lazy.

We finally started our Christmas shopping and in my eyes, M is done.  Ask D and you might get a different answer.  We don't have many to buy for but sometimes that is even harder.  It's like you really have to dig to get the perfect gift.  Hopefully we can knock a few more names off the list in the coming weeks.  I'd love to see half our list done before I go to NYC.  Obviously, it's because I want to free more funds for me & my shopping urges.

I've started planning our annual NYE party and I'm excited!  We've decided to go with an Italian theme so D & I are brainstorming a delicious menu.  

That's it, I think?  Yep, not much new to report over here.  Just checking in really...

5 Days

And I can't stop looking for her.  I keep looking at all her spots to see if she's there... under the coffee table, in the bedroom, behind the dining room table, in the kitchen under foot...  it just doesn't seem real that she's gone.

I cancelled the cleaning ladies yesterday because I wasn't ready for all traces of Cear to be gone.  I don't want to sweep up the furry tumbleweeds and I don't want to take a lint brush to the couch.  I didn't want to put away her food bowls or beds but I finally did today.  That corner of our kitchen & bedroom will never look the same.

I miss her so much.

100lbs

It is with an extremely heavy heart that I have to say that my sweet Cear passed over the Rainbow Bridge today.  I am shocked, devastated and just plain heartbroken.  I honestly think my heart weights 100lbs right now.

To Cear...

You were my best, my favourite and my sweet...  we spent 13 years together and you were by my side for everything -- university, jobs, marriage, divorce, baby, marriage, life...  I cannot believe you're gone.  My heart is certainly empty and our house feels the same.  I will love and miss you forever.

Godspeed sweet Cear...  xo.

Before M, there was C...

Long before M (surprisingly...  or perhaps shockingly?) came into the picture, there was sweet ol' Cear.  This girl owns my heart and as we near her 13th birthday and reel from a bit of a scare, I think it's only worthy that she get some special recognition.

I've only ever known 3 dogs in my life and really, I don't remember much of the first as she passed away when I was 3 or 4.  When I was in grade 1, we adopted a little Shih Tzu who became Missy.  Not going to lie or wax poetic because we were all pretty certain that she did not love me as much as I loved her.  She was admittedly my brother's dog.  We had to make the big decision for her during the summer before my 3rd year of university and we were all devastated.

One year later, Cear came into my life.  I was going into my last year of university and didn't appreciate how much that 12lb ball of fluff would change my life.  12lbs became 75lbs and university in Guelph became a job and later a career in Toronto.  She sat beside me during break ups & hook ups, friendships and relationships, a divorce, a new forever, a pregnancy and she has now endured the love of a little human brother.

I used to always vow that if and when I had a child, he or she would NEVER grow up without a pet.  Now that I've been through it from the parent side of things, I know this is absolutely a non-negotiable for me.  While M has pestered her and often ignores her, he is smitten and in love with his "sister" as he affectionately calls her.

About 5 weeks ago, Cear ate half of one of my shirts.  ATE.  This isn't uncommon and she typically throws the item up or passes it within 2 weeks.  After a number of various mini events, I took Cear back to the vet for an x-ray and we made the decision to do exploratory surgery today.  They removed the tee and some plastic that may or may not have been Tupperware.  She's recovering well and I cannot wait to bring her home tomorrow.

Cear is one amazing dog.  She's in exceptional health and at 13, she isn't showing too many signs of age.  Okay, I lie.  She's got a white face, appears to be deaf and sleeps a lot more than before but she's still pulling her normal stunts like throwing benders at the cottage, swimming and obviously, getting into trouble.

Happy 13th birthday to my best girl!

Wordless Wednesday