131lbs!

Yay!

Oh, Snap!

1 Week!

132.6lbs!

My first week loss was a total of 4.4lbs. I can't really tell that I've dropped any weight but I guess I do feel a bit slimmer in my face & tummy area. My pants feel looser in the bum area, which is the last place I need to lose the weight. Every single extra lb I carry tends to gather around my middle and that is the single hardest place for me to lose weight.

My friend suggested I do crunches each evening to help things along so I cleverly set a reminder telling me to do 50 crunches in my phone that goes off every night at 8:30pm. I quickly silence it and go back to whatever I was doing (likely watching television). I did do 25 before bed last night but yeah, that's not going to cut the mustard.

My new (and final) goal is 127lbs BUT I'm not sure I will get there. I haven't been that weight since my early (very early) 20s and I feel like that will be too skinny for me. I know I need to get back in the running habit and trim the fat that way. Also, this diet is hard on the body and I don't know how much longer I can take. I have felt like an absolute bloated bag of hammers since yesterday morning and I can 100% blame the diet. I'm only doing this diet because I had a few weeks free so I think I'll use 'em up and then make a decision. I really don't want to pay to do this any longer.

I also know that I need to get my head in the right space. Dieting is great but I need to keep it up and do things like exercise & activity to help my body get to a 'happy' state. I have been miserable with my body for a very long time now and while it's great to see the numbers going down, it doesn't change the fact that I have a tummy that was once stretched out to obscene proportions. I have to either work my butt off to change that or accept that I will always have a bit of a war wound from carrying and deliving the best baby on earth.

But... yay me! 132.6lbs! I can't even remember when I was last this weight.

Day 6

I wouldn't call it cheating but I did nibble a dime-sized piece of M's grilled cheese sandwich BUT only to make sure it wasn't too hot. Save for that little slip, I've done extremely well all day. I've stuck to my diet & had lots of water. Still a few hours left to the evening but I'm thinking I'll be able to pull this one off today.

Liar.

Okay, so I wasn't completely honest. I ate a 2nd sausage. That's it! Promise.

Damn Friday Breakfast Club!

2 pieces of bacon and one sausage. Seriously!? I have no willpower.

Day 5

134lbs.

Ho hum. Only lost 0.2lbs since Wednesday, which is a bit disappointing. Was it the cashews?!

Definitely vs. Definately

It's D-E-F-I-N-I-T-E-L-Y! Try it with me. DefinItely. There you go. Commit it to memory.

Day 4

Cheater. I ate a cashew. Okay, maybe 5 or 6. No more. Small fail but I'm over it! Back on track.

Day 3

134.2lbs!!!

Day 2

The key to successful dieting is relatively simple if you follow these 3 rules:

1. Drink lots and lots of water.
2. Write it down! Keep track of everything that goes into your mouth.
3. Visualize what you want to eat and eat a big serving of dust instead!

Day 2 SUCKS!

Starting... Again.

Okay, I'm once again going to try to shift the last few lbs. I clearly have NO willpower or drive so I've enlisted the help of Dr. Bernstein. I know, I know... I've gone to him before and unlike people say, I've kept the weight off. I just need someone to whip me into shape and make me toe the line until I get down to my goal weight.

Here are my stats as of today, September 20th:

Weight: 137lbs

Waist: 36"

Hips: 39"

Yep, I'm officially built like a pop can. HOT.

Anyway, my target weight is 127-130lbs. It shouldn't take too long to get there (I hope) and then it's all about maintaining. I figure I managed to sit pretty at 137lbs for quite a long time so holding steady at something a little lower shouldn't be too hard. New jeans might help keep that goal!

Sad.

And right after I hit "publish post" I went to www.thestar.com and came across this story:

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/859945--terminal-cancer-patient-raises-30-000-for-princess-margaret-hospital?bn=1

Sort of makes all the worries & stresses I wrote about in my last post seem so small and insignificant. So unfair and completely heartbreaking.

Madeleine Albright

My Dad recently passed his copy of Madeleine Albright's biography "Madam Secretary" to me and thought I'd really enjoy it. I absolutely am and it is exactly the sort of thing I need to be reading right now.

During the last few weeks of work, I've been presented and confronted with various career opportunities that can & will provide me with fantastic experiences as well as the chance to prove myself in different roles at my company. I am jumping on anything that comes my way because I'm ready for the challenges and I really want to push myself to the next level.

But...

At the end of the day, I have to accept said opportunities knowing my limits. My limits are driven by M and I will admit that I am really struggling with them right now. Gone are the days when I can be at work before 7am and leave after 5 or 6pm. I'm not saying I miss those long days but I miss knowing that I can do them if or when needed. I always loved being at work so early because it gave me that good bit of time to start my day before the site or office was busy. It's hard to speak up and say "I can't make that meeting because I won't be in yet" or "I can't go to site for 3pm because I need to leave at 4pm to get my son from daycare" because as those words come out of my career-loving 30-something mouth, I can't help but think one thing...

CAREER KILLER.

Gah. How awful is it that I'm admitting to this?! I love M more than life itself and everyone knows this fact but I'm still really struggling with how to grow my professional self while succeeding as a mum. It's really hard to view my day as such a strict & structured calendar day (and this is coming from someone who craves routine) because I just don't have the flexibility to alter my day at a moment's notice.

D has been great at helping me get to work for 7am (or close to it) when needed and will do the daycare pick-up when I need to stay later than (my new) normal. It's a catch-22 because then I miss out on those moments with M. I swear I will never tire of seeing that smiling face when I come into his daycare room to pick him up! Best moment of my day. EVER.

I know everything will work out and I've always had the attitude that if it's meant to be, it'll happen. I have to learn to NOT be embarrassed to say you can't do something because you fear it will be a career-limiting move. In this day and age, I'm certainly not the first or last mother to work and most companies recognize this fact. I'm lucky to work for a very family-oriented company and am surrounded by (mostly) men who are solid family men. It makes a difference.

There are already so many passages I've read that make me love Madeleine Albright more. Only 53 pages in and this quote spoke to me:

I must admit though that I feel somewhat like a pioneer. I am not satisfied to sit back for the rest of my life and contemplate in which order to clean the rooms. I want to find a solution and still feel that somehow it must be possible to be a responsible mother, a good wife and have an intellectually satisfying job.

Sick Baby!

I used to always think I'd be this crazed, over-protective & neurotic mother and as it turns out, I've been a pretty relaxed, easygoing and fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants mother. I think I've always been the face of calm when it comes to illness, falls and other baby/toddler stresses. I'm sure I flew off the handle about some things when M was younger but I've likely blocked them out in order to seal my fate as most cool & collected mama around.

Until today...

When I got to M's daycare today, he was sleeping. It was odd because he never takes 2 naps at daycare anymore and even more odd that he was asleep at 5pm. We went to wake him up and he was so out of it, completely lethargic, moaning and generally, completely out of sorts. I picked him up and he was on FIRE! The amazing girls at his daycare flew into action -- washcloths on the forehead and neck and a thermometer in his armpit. During the course of the afternoon, M's temperature rose to 103 plus. Scary!

I panicked! For what seems like the first time, I was a panicked parent. I was running around and trying to figure out what to do. I called D in a panic, left M with the girls and ran to the store in the hopes of getting infant Tylenol and finally, put M in the stroller and RAN to the nearest pharmacy. I had thoughts of febrile convulsions at the back of my mind and I was doing anything & everything to engage M. He wasn't having any part of it.

D picked us up and brought us home. We flip flopped about going to the hospital but really, all they would tell us it to get the fever down and keep him hydrated. We were relatively successful with that before M went to bed but not after a bit of projectile vomiting. Poor baby!

Fevers throw me into absolute tailspins. I feel like I can handle everything else but fevers push me into this zone of terror. I'm petrified of certain viruses -- the M word... just not even going to say it -- and what comes next. I try to remind myself that fevers are the natural way to fight a virus and that it needs to run its course but still... SCARY!

Anyway, M is sleeping and I've got my ear glued to the monitor. Here's hoping he has a good night and wakes up feeling like a new guy!