Weekends

A few months ago, a very wise friend gave my best friend some sage advice when she was trying to navigate a slippery in-law issue. The gist is that a person can only manage their issues and not someone else's issues or tendencies. This advice has finally come in handy for me.

D's dad has become increasingly dependent on us since his mom passed way. I get it. I really do. He's still mourning and he's lonely. He is surrounded by people all day long but immediately goes home to an empty house. A dog awaits him but it is just not the same. Sad. Weekends must feel incredibly long to him and he does his best to fill his Saturdays and Sundays with trips to places he loves, photography, visits to friends and of course, trips to the city to visit us.

I selfishly no longer think of these as enjoyable visits because I find them taxing and costly -- emotionally and financially. I like to make a good meal for him and if I have the time, send him home with some fresh muffins. I like knowing that he's just enjoyed a visit with his grandson and that together they're making great memories. I like knowing that he takes comfort in these visits and that they break up his otherwise long weekends.

But...

I miss OUR weekends. I miss being able to make plans to do whatever we like whenever we like. I miss being able to nap when M naps without knowing I'll be waking up to someone else in the house. I miss having lazy meals and not feeling like I have to put together something decent. I miss having the time.

Weekends are so short as it is and I like to cherish them. I am a creature of habit and in turn, we have become a little family of habitual creatures. We walk for coffee every weekend morning and on Sundays, oh so glorious Sundays, M & I watch Coronation Street before I disappear to the grocery store to shop in peace. I feel like everything is upside down because we're no longer just working around a toddler's nap schedule or a dog's walks but a whole other body. Someone who needs US to entertain HIM. My habits are all over the place and lately, it's made me bitter & frustrated.

Cue the advice! My friend reminded me that my FIL is no longer a guest in our home but really, he's a fixture. Yes, I can do 'special' things now and then but for now, I need to just manage and get by. If that means tuna melts for dinner instead of tenderloin and all the fixings, well, so be it. If it means ordering a pizza and sitting on the couch to eat, that's okay, too. I can't manage his neediness because let's face it, he needs us and we appreciate that but what I can do, is manage how I deal with it. We need to work around it and drag him along with our little rituals.

I can do it. I have to suck it up because this just isn't about me. Not going to lie and say I'm still okay with it but I'm going to manage it better. I'm not proud of how I acted last weekend but I couldn't help it. I'm sure this weekend will be better.

Better be because I only have two precious days off.