April 2010 Goals

My biggest & most rewarding challenge this month is to truly enjoy every last minute I get to spend with M before heading back to work. Um, I'm going to plug away at the other goals yet to be reached but I'm not going to set any new ones for April. It's going to be an emotional month so I'm giving myself complete freedom.

Okay, I lied... I'll add one goal because my deteriorating self esteem is getting to me.

1. Attempt to hit 130lbs before going back to work. I may have to suck it up and weigh myself... tomorrow... first thing in the morning... naked... after skipping dinner tonight.

March Wrap Up!

Okay, here's the update on my goals that were on my March list:

1. Hit my target weight of 130lbs. FAIL! I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks but I KNOW this one didn't happen. I think you actually have to watch what you eat and get off the couch to achieve a goal like this one.

2. Start researching restaurants and cupcake shops for our trip to NYC! Done & done!

3. Install the window coverings in our bedroom & guest bedroom. Done!

4. Drop M's crib to the final setting. Done!

And an update on the items that carried over from February... er... January:

1. Finish the hall closet renovation. Still NOT done. Boo.

2. Create a guest room. Done! Yay!

3. Maintain current weight and/or drop another lb or two. Um, not done? Afraid to check.

4. Bring M's baby book up-to-date. We worked on it but we aren't done yet.

5. Spend more time with Cear by giving better walks. Done! The nice weather has allowed us to take her for better walks and more trips to the park each day.

6. Run with M in the jogging stroller twice a week. Hahahahahahahaha! Not done.

7. Find a nanny or caregiver for M. DONE! Yay! Got word last night that the daycare we liked finally had a spot open up.

8. Finalized start date back at work. Done! April 26th. So bittersweet.

9. Renew Canadian passport (DONE!), order M's passport (DONE!) and deal with British passport (NOT done).

10. Finalize theme for M's birthday and work on invites. Um, partially done.

April goals to follow shortly!

I Love New York!

New York is now MY city! Well, our city. D & I eloped on our weekend away! We'd planned ahead and found an officiant & photographer who do guerrilla style weddings. We secured our marriage license after landing on Friday and were able to be married at dusk in Central Park on Saturday. It was perfect.

I ate enough cupcakes to curb any cravings I may have in the near future and hopefully walked enough to burn all the calories! We wandered aimlessly, shopped and ate whatever we wanted. We stayed in a gorgeous hotel where we were waited on hand & foot.

We had a fabulous weekend, which was made all the more enjoyable knowing that M was doing amazingly with our families! Everyone had a great time with him and he was perfectly behaved! He was in great spirits the entire weekend.

I can't rave enough about New York. It's the city where anything is possible! Love it.

Two More Sleeps!

Only two more sleeps until we're in New York! Yay! I am so excited! My list of things to do before we go is long and once again begs the question: why am I such a huge procrastinator?!

I tend to leave cleaning and preparing until the last minute. I'm great at making lists of things to do but often leave them until a day or two before when I'm scrambling. I've got a tonne of things to do around the house to prepare for our babysitters (both families will be taking a shift so that means lots of clean sheets & towels and general cleaning) as well as last minute appointments & errands.

This is also our very first time leaving M overnight so I've had to create a manual. You know, a manual all about M. It covers everything from daily routine & schedule, meals, bath & bedtime routines as well as a general "where am I?" list detailing where anything that might possibly be needed can be found. I'm trying hard to put any of those little day-to-day things down on paper that I typically do second nature. M will be in GREAT hands and I'm sure he'll have a blast! Hope so!

Back to my big list of tasks!

Back to Meal Planning!

After a week (or more) of random meals, eating out & ordering in, the time has come to start meal planning again. It's a short week for us so I only need 4 meals to get us through the week, which will include take-out on Thursday night because I'll be up to my eyeballs in cleaning & list making for all of our family who will be taking turns caring for M while we're away.

In no particular order:

Steak Tacos with Spicy Sour Cream, Avocado & Tomato w/ Nacho Chips

Coconut Curry Chicken & Chickpeas w/ Rice

Proscuitto Wrapped Chicken Breasts Stuffed with Goat Cheese & Basil w/ Orzo with Parmesan & Basil and Grilled Asparagus

Campanelle with Sausage & Leeks w/ Salad

Heigh ho! Heigh ho! Off to the grocery store I go!

Um... I'm Engaged?!

I think I'm still reeling from the unexpected shock & surprise of D's proposal last night. While out strolling with M, we pulled the stroller over so D could look for his wallet. Next thing you know, I've got the most gorgeous ring on my finger and answered D's "will you marry me?" with a yes!

D & I have obviously talked about marriage but to be honest, it wasn't a priority or necessity for me. I'm happy with our little family life and didn't feel we needed the ceremony and paper thing. It was one of those things I said I'd do if it was really important to D. I know that sounds negative and like I didn't want it to happen, which is not the case. It's not that I didn't want to get married but I didn't feel like we needed it. We're already complete. We've got a lovely little family in a lovely little home. We're lucky to have jobs we love and amazing families. Simply put, we're already very blessed.

So, we're engaged! We've started to talk about what we want & don't want and I think we're in the early stages of a great plan. At the end of the day, I want it to be about us, our family and the commitment we've already made to each other & our amazing son. All the other stuff is just icing on the already delicious cupcake!

Green Thumb

I hate gardening. I actually detest it. I forced myself to make the most of the nice weather a few days this week and plug away at our front garden. Nothing crazy but just a little general tidying and weeding. I parked M in the stroller and chatted to him the entire time... mostly hateful garden statements peppered with choice language. Regardless, the front is pretty much done and ready for the Spring growing season. Luckily, our front garden is filled with various flowering shrubs and trees so very low maintenance.

When we moved in last April, our back garden (two reasonably sized planter boxes) had similar trees & shrubs but we neglected to take care of them and I ended up having to pull & toss most of them. I'm now at a total loss of what to do. I know NOTHING about gardening! I want pretty, variety and low maintenance.

Can anyone suggest a good website or book that will help us create something nice but oh-so-easy to maintain?

Ugh.

I am still trapped in nanny/daycare hell. Am I ever going to have the "yes, you're the one!" feeling?!?!

D and I went last week to a Montessori daycare and we were barely in there before we were sneaking sideways glances at each other. It was nice and clean... enough. It smelled like diapers and all of the kids seemed like they'd been institutionalized at some point. We left and almost immediately crossed that place off the list.

I've met with two home daycare providers this week and again, no pull towards them. I feel like they're simply people who want to take a child under their care to earn extra money while raising their own without actually establishing a "daycare" setting. There is nothing that screams care or love but rather TV and visits to City drop-in centres.

What the hell am I going to do?!

Two Days Ago...

M hit the 11 month mark, which absolutely blows my mind. I cannot believe how quickly time has flown and that we're now counting down the days until his 1st birthday.

I was watching D run around the house with M on his shoulders earlier tonight and it made me realize how much I love this stage! M is so engaging and fun! He has this insane love for us (as we do him) & loves any sort of attention. He giggles like mad and claps almost constantly! I never knew how much joy a simple game of peek-a-boo could bring.

He's crawling anywhere and everywhere but mostly towards the dog. He will NOT leave her alone and if I separate them, he cries. She's been very patient with him but it's very obvious that she'd rather be left alone. He pulls on her fur and tries to touch her face. He's now trying to use her as leverage to stand up! I love that I can call "M, lunch" and when Cear comes running, he's super quick to follow!

I used to always say that my days pass so slowly but time moves too fast. Well, both my days and time are flying and I'm desperate to not miss a beat. I only have a few weeks left before I'm back at work and M & I are going to make sure we enjoy every minute.

Adulthood!

D & I are officially adults. We have a proper guest room! After numerous furniture purchases and returns, we finally found the perfect bed & bookshelf for that room. Add in some comfy pillows & bedding, new window covering and mirror on the wall, it's almost done. We need to do a few last minute finishing touches but it's all set for guests!

The kicker? All our prized possessions (read: junk) that we've been storing in there have now been shuffled to our bedroom. Sigh.

Good News & Bad News

So, the good news... weighed myself and I'm back under 135lbs (134.3 to be exact), which means I'm down 4.2lbs. Working out & eating well does work! I'm hoping to stay diligent and lose another few lbs before we go away. The shopping in NYC is calling my name!

And the bad news...

After much back & forth with the nanny we loved, we just got word that it's not going to work. I received her email this morning and it comes down to money. Though happy with what we were willing to pay, she financially can't make it work because she'd potentially have to give up another part time job that she works two afternoons a week at the end of the school day.

Ugh. We're back at square one now. We certainly hadn't put all our eggs in this basket but with M being on at least 10 daycare lists and only one willing to work with us for a spot, the odds aren't looking good. I'm supposed to get a call today to let me know if this daycare can take M in May, which still leaves us scrambling for a few weeks once I start back at work.

I'm really hoping for more good news later today or I'll likely be eating 4.2lbs of chocolate.

Working Girl!

It's that time. Everywhere I go, people look at M and immediately ask the following questions:

When are you going back to work? Have you made arrangements for daycare yet?

I respond with my standard "heading back on April 26th and still working on the daycare or nanny situation," which is almost always met with a sad shake of the head like it's the most terrible thing ever.

Okay, it is... sort of. I am VERY sad to leave M and it kills me to think of all the moments I will miss with him. I will likely pine desperately for him throughout the day and have him constantly in my thoughts. I dread the idea of someone else getting to spend all that fun time with my son and giving him the cuddles & love he'd be getting from me. I even broke down in tears when D & I drove by one potential daycare on the weekend!

BUT...

I want to go back to work. Why should saying that make me feel like a bad mother? It makes me feel like I'm being judged and that I should be ashamed of making that choice. I want to work! I want to work! Ah, liberating. I love what I do and am simply not ready to stop working yet. I have spent the last 10 years building up my career and want to push it forward.

It makes me feel like I have to justify my thoughts to perfect strangers. Could I quit my job and stay home? Yes but it would be tough financially. It would also be extremely tough on me mentally & emotionally. Admittedly, I find being at home at times mind numbing and it's hard for me to get motivated to do anything. I dread simple tasks because I don't feel challenged. I truly believe that going back to work will help me find a better balance between home & work and will teach me to really appreciate those little moments with M that I am no doubt taking for granted. Going back to work will make me a better mother & wife.

It's ironic that I used to always insist that I would not have children unless I could afford to stay home with them, much like my mum did with us. I was anti-daycare and wanted to be the person "raising" my children. It's now a huge pet peeve of mine when people imply that we will no longer be raising M because he will spend part of his day with someone else.

While I am envious of those who are fortunate enough to be stay-at-home-moms, I know that it isn't what's right for me right now. That said, I've yet to drop him off at daycare or leave him behind with a nanny and head off on my merry way to work. Who knows what will happen once I step through those doors?

Listography

I've always been envious of those who keep a journal or diary. It's something I've always wanted to do & tried to do but have never been successful. My best friend has kept a journal for years & years and it's an amazing collection of entries that document her life. I say that like I've read them, which I haven't, but I know her story and can imagine lots of the relationships, events & tidbits that must be in there.

I love the idea of documenting your life and having something to refer to or look back on someday. It's something you can pass on to your child and have them gain a little insight into who you were before you became their mother. The closest I've ever come to doing anything that tracks my life is through bookmarks. I keep every book I ever read and inside each is whatever item I happened to use as a bookmark. I can pick up any book and be transported back to a particular time via receipt, note, recipe, etc.

Until now...

I got the best book EVER from my friend E et al for my birthday. It's called "Listography" and essentially, it's your life in lists. The premise is creating your own autobiography through list making (which I'm excellent at, I might add) and it tracks everything from experiences to favourites. It's a quick & easy snapshot of my life. From funny (drunken moments, favourite TV stars, toys from your childhood) to serious (biggest regrets, closest friends, best days of your lives), this book is an amazing way to keep track of your past & current! It's like a baby book for adults. Love it!

This was a fantastic gift idea and one that I'll be stealing for other friends! Thanks E & family!