Rock Bottom

I'm stuck in that awkward place where I'm so uncomfortable in my own body but also so proud of what it can do.

I feel like I've hit body image rock bottom. Yes, once again I am feeling this way. The last few months of emotional eating, lack of exercise & general laziness with all things food have taken their toll. My jeans feel snug, there are rolls in places there shouldn't be, I may have even grown another chin or two... I just feel uncomfortable. I'm *that* girl who is constantly pulling at my clothes -- up, down, stretch, pull -- and nothing is making me feel like I fit. I feel awkward in all situations and I'm at the point where my insecurities are shining through all areas of my life.

So, it's time to make some changes. I realize I sound like a broken record and come out with this sort of stuff every few months. But, it's what gets me through and motivates me.

I'm making a conscious effort to think before I eat. I'm asking myself if I really need it or just want it and pushing myself to think of the greater goal. By no means do I deprive myself but let's face it, nobody needs to empty the candy dish in the office boardroom during a one hour meeting. A little shame can go a long way! I need to do the basics once again and drink more water, eat more fresh fruits/veggies and scale back on snacking. Sounds pretty simple, right? We'll see...

Running that 10km a week or so ago was supposed to kick start my season. I'm an April/May to October/November runner. The winter thing has never been my gig and despite numerous tries over the years, I never stick with it. I got into a great groove last year and was running 30km/week and that's exactly where I want to be this summer. I'll track my runs on a Sunday-Saturday schedule and am pretty pleased that at only Monday, I'm already sitting at 11km for the week. I said in a previous post that I'm giving myself until June to hit the 30km/week mark so if I can get to 20km this week, I'll be content.

I constantly feel like I let my body down. I don't really buy into that whole 'my body is my temple' thing but this is my only body and it's got to see me through many years. I used to always say that I'd never let myself get to a certain weight or size and well, it happened. I happily snacked & drank my way into those pants or that hoodie that hides all.

As I get older, I try to respect my body more and more and do right by it. I genuinely want to to be healthy. It isn't so much about being fit or thin but I want to be & feel healthy. This body has lasted me 34 years and gave me a perfect and healthy baby. It's all I can do, really, is to give it a bit of love & care in return. I am proud of what my body has accomplished and what I know it can do. I am excited and eager to get back to my routines and hoping my body gives back a little of that confidence I'm lacking.