I love babies. I mean, who doesn't? New smell, tiny features, quiet cooing noises. I'd wondered if holding Rosie would stir up anything inside me. You know, that "must have another" feeling. It didn't. I loved every second of it and would do it again in a heartbeat but for now, I am okay with holding other people's babies.
Sometimes I think D & I are only meant to have M. I know that I feel like our family is complete and there isn't a missing little someone. I really don't want M to be an only child and often have moments when I *think* I know he needs a sibling. Firstly, D is an only child so no cousins on that side of the family. Secondly, my brother & his wife are childless so no cousins there. At some point, everything will stop at him. I hate to think of him being alone with no family years down the road. It makes me sad to think of him dealing with life after us all by himself. Yes, I can be melodramatic at times.
One of the best things I ever did after having M was to return to work. I love M with all my heart but as I have said before, I am a better parent because I am a working parent. It is what works for me. I also know that returning to work has stirred up those waiting feelings in me because I am so lucky to love what I do, who I work with and where my career is going.
I also know that I'm getting older and at some point, we'll have to make a decision on whether or not we want to try to expand. Right now, I am admittedly at that age where I can sit for another few years. I'm not in my twenties and I'm still a ways off from 40 but I'm there.
For now, I will savour the fun days with my toddler and nights filled with sleep. I'll enjoy my friend's babies and love reliving milestones through them. I will listen, share & talk and know that I am lucky to have my one and if that's all we are blessed with, it's okay. I am okay with it.
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