Best.Song.Ever

Well, for M anyway... I heart this song and love watching the video with M. He loves it, too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyVzjoj96vs

Christmas 2010

And just like that, Christmas is over. My main motivation this year was to really start creating traditions that we'll follow for years to come. I want M to have the same sort of "oh yeah, it's Christmas and this and that happens" memories that I have from my childhood.

D tracked down the elusive Le Creuset fondue pot so that sealed our new fate for Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day, we hosted my parents and my in-laws for dinner and I did a beef tenderloin with various carrot, spinach and potato recipes (all new to my repertoire) followed by Baileys chocolate mousse. On Boxing Day, we headed to my parent's house for the usual turkey dinner.

M was totally spoiled and loves his new Thomas the Tank Engine train table. He got a number of gifts that will be put away for another time and some that will be donated. He's a lucky kid so he needs to learn early that sharing with others is a very good thing.

In my family, we have a limit of $50 per person but each couple makes a $100 donation to charity. A few years back, gifts were getting out control and everyone was spending way too much money. The limit makes you THINK of what the recipient will want and the donation reminds everyone of what Christmas is actually all about. This is a fantastic tradition that I love and am so glad M is going to grow up knowing that Christmas is all about giving a little, getting a little and doing a whole lot of good.

A few weeks or months ago, a friend shared with me a story about her friend's almost 2 year old son who is battling brain cancer at Sick Kids. I spent hours reading her blog and I cannot stop thinking about this little family. So, my family directed their charitable donations this year to Sick Kids and doing a little token gift for the boy. Heart. It's a small thing but one of those things that makes me feel good to know that all of us are sending healing thoughts to someone who will never know us and that maybe, just maybe, that small donation will help the hospital find a cure.

All in all, we had a fabulous little Christmas!

Scrooge.

This picture basically sums up the extent of the

Christmas spirit that is floating around our house this year.

Bah humbug.

Feeling Better...

I had a horrible sleep last night and decided to call in sick to work today. I figured I could do with a "me" day and nurse my wounds.

D took M to daycare and I lay in for a few extra hours and then got down to some therapeutic cleaning & laundry. I made a big list of things to do and managed to get a bunch of random tasks completed.

The one thing I didn't manage to do? Make dinner. I'm waiting for the call and then I'm ordering gourmet burgers from the Burger Shoppe, which I'll walk to grab.

Oh well, the main floor is tidy and all ready for a Christmas tree!

I was in a car accident today. With M. Holy F*CK. Hands down, today will go down in the books as the scariest day of my life.

M & I were heading to my parent's house to spend the morning decorating a gingerbread house with my Mum. We were driving in the middle lane of the DVP when the car ahead of me put on their brakes. I had to brake hard and swerve to avoid ramming straight into the back of the car. I looked to my right and the slow lane was full of cars. I looked to the left and thought the car was empty. I swerved into the lane but there was a car in my blind spot. We made contact and I was pushed back towards the middle lane where I struck the car I was trying to avoid.

The whole thing took seconds but the event is going to stick with me for a very long time. I watched M via my rearview mirror and saw him being jostled in his seat from the impacts. He was totally fine but stunned into silence. There is no way the impact & noise didn't startle him. I pulled over and immediately checked him over. He gave me a smile as if to say "WTF" but I couldn't stop shaking. I am still going over every last detail and can't stop the 'what ifs' from crawling into my head.

Everyone was okay. The cars were not and not one could be driven. Not the end of the world, right? We are so very lucky that nobody was hurt today and I am so thankful that nothing bad happened to M. I don't know what I would have done if things didn't turn out just the way they have.

Just yesterday, I was looking at M in the car seat and thinking how pleased I was that we have made it to 20 months rear facing. Of course, this was after D bonked his head while attempting to get him into the seat and M was screaming his head off. Yes, it's a PITA at times but it is the SAFEST way for M to travel in the car. D has suggested many times we turn him around and I always said I just wasn't ready yet. Mummy instinct? Definitely. My goal was to keep M rear facing until his 2nd birthday. Now? Longer.

Did you know your car seat needs to be replaced if it is involved in a car accident of moderate to more severity? We've already purchased M's new seat (again, a Britax Advocate CS) and I am so happy that the 2010 will allow M to stay rear facing until he is 40lbs (and 49") instead of the old 35lb limit.

Alas, we are all okay. D was amazing today and kept me calm (sort of) and sane. He encouraged me to relax and take it as it came. M is now sleeping soundly upstairs and luckily, the laughs and hugs were plentiful today. That said, horrible day and I wish to never experience anything like it ever again.

Let it Snow!

How is it already December 1st?! Yikes!

I'm really excited for Christmas this year. M is almost 20 months and will definitely be more aware of what's going on this year. We were still finding our feet this time last year so it's really important to me that we create & establish our family traditions this year.

Right now, I'm obsessing about creating a great, family-oriented Christmas Eve that will become "our" tradition for years to come. I will carry on my family tradition of the gift of new pajamas on Christmas Eve but I'm really eager to buy a fondue set so we can do a traditional fondue as our Christmas Eve dinner. We can all hang out watching Christmas shows in our new pajamas and just relax before the big day.

I picked up his yearly ornament and I know we'll be hiding it at the back of the tree! For a kid obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine, this one will be a hit. I can't wait until we buy our tree and decorate it. M will love all the ornaments & lights!

We had a few snowflakes fall today so that is pushing me in the right direction. The holiday mood is sinking in and I'm getting excited!

If this was Facebook...

My status would read "Jenn is having a lot of trouble understanding and coping with M's language delay issues."

I feel completely sad, overwhelmed and defeated. I don't even want to talk about it because all I can do is crack jokes and make it seem like I'm okay with it but really, I'm not. I'm frustrated because I feel like all the extra effort we're putting in isn't exactly paying off. I feel gipped that we aren't getting this part of toddlerhood and we have to work for it. I feel like nobody believes me when I say he has said certain words (banana and book, for example) but that he just won't say them again. I just want to squeeze him with so much love that words fly out of his mouth!

We have been working with an speech/language pathologist (SLP) for over a month now and while he is making some progress, it isn't happening how I'd like it to happen. You know, NOW. Much of what we're taught is common sense and I think M notices that we're engaging him in different ways. He looks to us & at us and is making more attempts to communicate verbally but he is not where he should be.

On Thursday, I asked the SLP if there was a chance M could have a tongue tie. Save for language, he is meeting or exceeding his milestones and we've never had any eating, drinking or teething issues. She explained the rarity of this and said it was unlikely M had this problem. I tried to argue that because I never breastfed, maybe it just hadn't been discovered. Nope, no bite. I broke down and told her that I need an answer or reason why this happening. I want it to be something that is an easy fix. I can't stop my brain from fast forwarding years down the road and creating all sorts of scenarios in my head. I hate to admit it but I don't want him to be that kid who needs extra help in class.

I felt so down all day on Thursday. I know we are so so so lucky to have such a perfect & healthy kid but I can't help but let this bother me. I want everything to be easy for him and it hurts me to see him struggling. Later that day, the SLP coordinator phoned to make sure I was okay as our SLP had let her know about my concerns (read: melodramatic mother exhibiting Munchausen syndrome) and we had one of the best chats I've had in a long time. I cried but she spoke over my sobs and made me agree that there is nothing we did or didn't do to have this happen. M is M is M and he was destined to have this problem. She reaffirmed that M will talk but that things are on his own time. She understood my concerns as both an SLP and a fellow mother.

I have to trust in the professionals and follow their program. They are going to speak with the teachers at M's daycare to ensure we're all following the same program. The SLP coordinator is going to sit in on M's next session to check progress and fingers crossed she'll see it.

So, we push forward with M. We speak clearly, verbalize EVERYTHING and ensure M is looking at us whenever we talk. We engage him, distract him and play with him at his level. Most of all, we love him. We will get there.

Squeal!

A royal wedding?! I am so excited! I feel like I'm 4 again and getting up super early to watch Princess Diana marry Prince Charles. I was in looooove with her dress!

PS - I was obsessed with the Queen and her family when I was young. I collected every magazine and newspaper clipping I could and glued them into umpteen scrapbooks. I even earned my "collecting" badge in Girl Guides using those books! Yeah, I'm that cool.

Poor Baby!

Once again, M is sick. This time, he's got pink eye & a 2nd bout of strep throat. Gah.

We started seeing a naturopath at the beginning of October and while we initially thought we were seeing changes, I don't really think we are. Outside of feeding a very healthy diet (which we were doing before), we've cut wheat & cow dairy out of M's diet as those things are often considered to contribute to allergies & sickness. This poor guy is getting lots of supplements and while nothing hurts, I hate feeling like he gets a meal of pure supplements & vitamins a day.

Sigh.

We had his 18 month check up the other day and the doctor encouraged the naturopath route, applauded the diet changes & supplements but was honest when she said that maybe, just maybe, this kid needs to go through a full year of all seasons of sickness before his immunity system is stronger.

Ugh.

So, we'll keep at it and hope for the best. I would love for M to have just one week without the sniffles or a cough. Maybe for Christmas?

Best News EVER!

After major surgery, grueling chemotherapy and countless MRIs, x-rays and doctor's appointments, my dad has finally been told that 5 long years later, he is officially cancer-free & in remission. I am so freaking happy!

November 11

Honestly, people... it's a small but HUGE thing. Wear your poppies!!!

Barf.

I just ate my weight in candy from Sugar Mountain. Sigh.

Spoke Too Soon...

I'll start the $0 spending next week. For sure. Yep!

Lame.

I've done nothing worth chatting about lately and have basically eaten 5lbs back on BUT I've decided to start myself on a new personal challenge.

Yes, yes... stop eating cookies is still one of my daily battles but I'm going to try to curb that by having days that do not involve money. Zero. Zilch. Not a cent. That means making coffee or tea at work (or just upping my water intake, which I need to do anyway), bringing my breakfast, lunch & snacks and basically, avoiding all urges to spend unnecessarily.

I kicked it off today and was successful! Granted, my co-worker surprised me with a tea this morning but still...

I've begun to look at our bank account and feel guilty for the $2 here and $5 there. It all adds up and at the end of the week, I have nothing to show for it. I'm not ready to really cut out all luxuries so I'm still allowed to have a coffee or tea when I feel like it but I really need to make an effort to stop eating out (for many reasons).

Anyway, that's my lameness for this windy Wednesday.

Recommendations?

Also, I need a new food processor (nothing crazy) and a good fondue pot. Any recommendations?

Sunday

It's Sunday and I'm watching Corrie while M & I read books together. I need to figure out a meal plan for the week but I want to go through the freezer first. Can't do that while it's just M & I or he'll have his little paws on everything in there. Laundry is already going and the house (well, main floor anyway) is pretty clean. Our foundation waterproofing is thisclose to being finished so home life is good.

Totally slacked on the diet all week but my new jeans still fit. That must mean something good, right? I'll be better this week.

Looking forward to getting out for coffee, trip(s) to the park and some fall coat shopping for M today. Yeah, he should probably already have one but what can I say?! The cuteness factor of clothes for little boys isn't always there.

Love Sundays.

Meh.

129.4lbs, which is 0.2lbs higher than Monday. I've had a really hard time ignoring pesky cravings and between Sunday & Monday, I ate my weight in peanuts & raisins. Pretty certain that didn't exactly help the weight loss thing!

I am below 130lbs, which is what I wanted. I also know that I'm near or at my happy place and even though I would like to weigh less, my body doesn't want to keep losing. This is my plateau point (always has been) so I either need to decide if it's worth it to push past this number or work hard at toning up and maintaining. I'll push ahead for another few days knowing full well that this weekend's Thanksgiving festivities will decimate that number and then make a decision.

Meal Plan for Week of October 3rd

I have been so lazy in this department lately and it hit me yesterday when we were at M's naturopath appointment (will save that for another post) that I need to get back into the habit of cooking with fresh & varied ingredients.

And in no particular order, here are the dinner picks for this week:

• Red Thai Meatball Curry w/ Basmati & Steamed Green Beans
• Roasted Poblanos Stuffed w/ Chicken & Cheddar & Salad
• Rigatoni w/ Sun-Dried Tomato & Fennel Sauce & Salad
• Grilled Chicken Tandoori w/ Grilled Peppers & Zucchini and Rice
• 3-Cheese Quesadillas w/ Garlic Butter & Salad

These recipes are all from the latest The Best of Fine Cooking Weeknight Dinner magazine. All seem simple, straightforward and quick. I heart this magazine!

What the F is WRONG with Me!?

Willpower? Gone. Determination? Gone. Complacency? Here! Laziness? Here!

Ate a burger for dinner (so freaking delicious) and nary a vegetable in sight (save for the lettuce & onion on top of my burger). I think I had one sip of water today and only consumed a double Americano and Diet Coke as my liquids.

Bad, bad, BAD.

Um...

I either cheated badly or celebrated (somewhat) wisely tonight. I ate 1 and a half slices of pizza with lots of salad & water for dinner. I actually feel guilty about the pizza but it was so good.

So Close!

For the first time since 2006, I have broken 130lbs! I weighed in at 129.6lbs today!

I'm really happy about that but wish I was seeing more results. I really really REALLY need to get off my butt and exercise. I'm trying to motivate myself to get back into the running thing but am clearly the queen of excuses. Maybe this weekend?

My next mini goal is 127lbs and maybe, just maybe, I'll try to get to 125lbs. I'm feeling good and I'm not at all resentful about this diet. I mean, of course, I'd murder for cookies right now BUT I'm truly content and satisfied.

I think this loss totally deserves new skinny jeans & Frye boots. D? Do you hear me?

131lbs!

Yay!

Oh, Snap!

1 Week!

132.6lbs!

My first week loss was a total of 4.4lbs. I can't really tell that I've dropped any weight but I guess I do feel a bit slimmer in my face & tummy area. My pants feel looser in the bum area, which is the last place I need to lose the weight. Every single extra lb I carry tends to gather around my middle and that is the single hardest place for me to lose weight.

My friend suggested I do crunches each evening to help things along so I cleverly set a reminder telling me to do 50 crunches in my phone that goes off every night at 8:30pm. I quickly silence it and go back to whatever I was doing (likely watching television). I did do 25 before bed last night but yeah, that's not going to cut the mustard.

My new (and final) goal is 127lbs BUT I'm not sure I will get there. I haven't been that weight since my early (very early) 20s and I feel like that will be too skinny for me. I know I need to get back in the running habit and trim the fat that way. Also, this diet is hard on the body and I don't know how much longer I can take. I have felt like an absolute bloated bag of hammers since yesterday morning and I can 100% blame the diet. I'm only doing this diet because I had a few weeks free so I think I'll use 'em up and then make a decision. I really don't want to pay to do this any longer.

I also know that I need to get my head in the right space. Dieting is great but I need to keep it up and do things like exercise & activity to help my body get to a 'happy' state. I have been miserable with my body for a very long time now and while it's great to see the numbers going down, it doesn't change the fact that I have a tummy that was once stretched out to obscene proportions. I have to either work my butt off to change that or accept that I will always have a bit of a war wound from carrying and deliving the best baby on earth.

But... yay me! 132.6lbs! I can't even remember when I was last this weight.

Day 6

I wouldn't call it cheating but I did nibble a dime-sized piece of M's grilled cheese sandwich BUT only to make sure it wasn't too hot. Save for that little slip, I've done extremely well all day. I've stuck to my diet & had lots of water. Still a few hours left to the evening but I'm thinking I'll be able to pull this one off today.

Liar.

Okay, so I wasn't completely honest. I ate a 2nd sausage. That's it! Promise.

Damn Friday Breakfast Club!

2 pieces of bacon and one sausage. Seriously!? I have no willpower.

Day 5

134lbs.

Ho hum. Only lost 0.2lbs since Wednesday, which is a bit disappointing. Was it the cashews?!

Definitely vs. Definately

It's D-E-F-I-N-I-T-E-L-Y! Try it with me. DefinItely. There you go. Commit it to memory.

Day 4

Cheater. I ate a cashew. Okay, maybe 5 or 6. No more. Small fail but I'm over it! Back on track.

Day 3

134.2lbs!!!

Day 2

The key to successful dieting is relatively simple if you follow these 3 rules:

1. Drink lots and lots of water.
2. Write it down! Keep track of everything that goes into your mouth.
3. Visualize what you want to eat and eat a big serving of dust instead!

Day 2 SUCKS!

Starting... Again.

Okay, I'm once again going to try to shift the last few lbs. I clearly have NO willpower or drive so I've enlisted the help of Dr. Bernstein. I know, I know... I've gone to him before and unlike people say, I've kept the weight off. I just need someone to whip me into shape and make me toe the line until I get down to my goal weight.

Here are my stats as of today, September 20th:

Weight: 137lbs

Waist: 36"

Hips: 39"

Yep, I'm officially built like a pop can. HOT.

Anyway, my target weight is 127-130lbs. It shouldn't take too long to get there (I hope) and then it's all about maintaining. I figure I managed to sit pretty at 137lbs for quite a long time so holding steady at something a little lower shouldn't be too hard. New jeans might help keep that goal!

Sad.

And right after I hit "publish post" I went to www.thestar.com and came across this story:

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/859945--terminal-cancer-patient-raises-30-000-for-princess-margaret-hospital?bn=1

Sort of makes all the worries & stresses I wrote about in my last post seem so small and insignificant. So unfair and completely heartbreaking.

Madeleine Albright

My Dad recently passed his copy of Madeleine Albright's biography "Madam Secretary" to me and thought I'd really enjoy it. I absolutely am and it is exactly the sort of thing I need to be reading right now.

During the last few weeks of work, I've been presented and confronted with various career opportunities that can & will provide me with fantastic experiences as well as the chance to prove myself in different roles at my company. I am jumping on anything that comes my way because I'm ready for the challenges and I really want to push myself to the next level.

But...

At the end of the day, I have to accept said opportunities knowing my limits. My limits are driven by M and I will admit that I am really struggling with them right now. Gone are the days when I can be at work before 7am and leave after 5 or 6pm. I'm not saying I miss those long days but I miss knowing that I can do them if or when needed. I always loved being at work so early because it gave me that good bit of time to start my day before the site or office was busy. It's hard to speak up and say "I can't make that meeting because I won't be in yet" or "I can't go to site for 3pm because I need to leave at 4pm to get my son from daycare" because as those words come out of my career-loving 30-something mouth, I can't help but think one thing...

CAREER KILLER.

Gah. How awful is it that I'm admitting to this?! I love M more than life itself and everyone knows this fact but I'm still really struggling with how to grow my professional self while succeeding as a mum. It's really hard to view my day as such a strict & structured calendar day (and this is coming from someone who craves routine) because I just don't have the flexibility to alter my day at a moment's notice.

D has been great at helping me get to work for 7am (or close to it) when needed and will do the daycare pick-up when I need to stay later than (my new) normal. It's a catch-22 because then I miss out on those moments with M. I swear I will never tire of seeing that smiling face when I come into his daycare room to pick him up! Best moment of my day. EVER.

I know everything will work out and I've always had the attitude that if it's meant to be, it'll happen. I have to learn to NOT be embarrassed to say you can't do something because you fear it will be a career-limiting move. In this day and age, I'm certainly not the first or last mother to work and most companies recognize this fact. I'm lucky to work for a very family-oriented company and am surrounded by (mostly) men who are solid family men. It makes a difference.

There are already so many passages I've read that make me love Madeleine Albright more. Only 53 pages in and this quote spoke to me:

I must admit though that I feel somewhat like a pioneer. I am not satisfied to sit back for the rest of my life and contemplate in which order to clean the rooms. I want to find a solution and still feel that somehow it must be possible to be a responsible mother, a good wife and have an intellectually satisfying job.

Sick Baby!

I used to always think I'd be this crazed, over-protective & neurotic mother and as it turns out, I've been a pretty relaxed, easygoing and fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants mother. I think I've always been the face of calm when it comes to illness, falls and other baby/toddler stresses. I'm sure I flew off the handle about some things when M was younger but I've likely blocked them out in order to seal my fate as most cool & collected mama around.

Until today...

When I got to M's daycare today, he was sleeping. It was odd because he never takes 2 naps at daycare anymore and even more odd that he was asleep at 5pm. We went to wake him up and he was so out of it, completely lethargic, moaning and generally, completely out of sorts. I picked him up and he was on FIRE! The amazing girls at his daycare flew into action -- washcloths on the forehead and neck and a thermometer in his armpit. During the course of the afternoon, M's temperature rose to 103 plus. Scary!

I panicked! For what seems like the first time, I was a panicked parent. I was running around and trying to figure out what to do. I called D in a panic, left M with the girls and ran to the store in the hopes of getting infant Tylenol and finally, put M in the stroller and RAN to the nearest pharmacy. I had thoughts of febrile convulsions at the back of my mind and I was doing anything & everything to engage M. He wasn't having any part of it.

D picked us up and brought us home. We flip flopped about going to the hospital but really, all they would tell us it to get the fever down and keep him hydrated. We were relatively successful with that before M went to bed but not after a bit of projectile vomiting. Poor baby!

Fevers throw me into absolute tailspins. I feel like I can handle everything else but fevers push me into this zone of terror. I'm petrified of certain viruses -- the M word... just not even going to say it -- and what comes next. I try to remind myself that fevers are the natural way to fight a virus and that it needs to run its course but still... SCARY!

Anyway, M is sleeping and I've got my ear glued to the monitor. Here's hoping he has a good night and wakes up feeling like a new guy!

Hug!

M is addicted to this book. ADDICTED. I honestly think I read it to him 53 times today and that is no exaggeration.

I absolutely LOVE his love for books and the way he thrusts them at me and lifts his arms up to be pulled into my lap. I love that we're raising a reader!

Feeling Inspired

While home today taking care of a sick M, I was inspired to both be motherly and make him a treat but to also purge some items in the fridge & freezer. So, I made homemade Pop Tarts with puff pastry that has been claiming valuable freezer space!

So easy & really delicious!

Ingredients

Puff Pastry

Cream Cheese

Jam

Unroll the puff pastry and use a cookie cutter or glass to cut round shapes. Make sure you have an even number and then lay half the rounds on parchment on a baking tray. Put a dollop of cream cheese (maybe a tablespoon) on the centre and spread it a bit. Add a bit (maybe a teaspoon) of jam (I used raspberry) and spread it slightly. Add another round of pastry, crimp the edges with a fork and then brush milk across the top. Put an X in the centre before popping them into a 425 degree oven for 10 minutes or until golden brown.

M and I both loved them and they were a perfect afternoon treat!

Purge!

As usual, I got myself all worked up over nothing this morning and basically pitched a fit about the messy laundry counter, which morphed into a rant about our storage spaces (or lack thereof) in the basement before moving into a full-on freak out about mess, clutter and everything we have that we simply don't need that is taking up valuable space throughout the house.

We have all these mini projects started but not yet finished as well as a tonne of things on our wish list. I really want to live in a house that is free of clutter and where all our things have a proper home.

So, I got the itch today and started purging. I attacked our master bedroom closet first and managed to get two big bags of clothes ready for drop-off at Value Village (already dropped off so they aren't in the way) and then moved on to our spare bedroom, which is where everything that doesn't have a home ends up. I've got two bags full of garbage that we'll get rid of this week, a huge box of recycling and I'm on the way to having a free closet in there. I also managed to pull everything out of our yet unfinished hallway closet so it is empty when we line the contractors up next month.

I'll carry on tomorrow with the master bathroom (way too many toiletries) and M's room. The main floor is a big task but hopefully D & I can plug away at that together. It's arduous but so worth it!

Random Thoughts

A few thoughts for Thursday, August 19th...

• I've been back at work now for 1 week shy of 4 months and it feels like I never left.
• I'm obsessed with reality television... Bachelor Pad, Teen Mom and Jersey Shore are at the top of my "must watch" list these days.
• I haven't run in 5ish weeks.
• I am petrified to get on the scale right now.
• I have rediscovered and wholeheartedly embraced my love of reading so much so that I will reject a drive home from work just so I can read on the TTC.
• I love watching The Next Food Network Star.
• I really want to go to NYC for a weekend.
• I desperately need a colour & cut.
• I've been eating far too much ice cream these days.
• I am really enjoying M's age right now.

Over & out!

It's a SIGN!!!

Bwahahahahaha!

This was just in my inbox:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_your-15-month-olds-behavior-more-meltdowns_1213396.bc?scid=mbtw_post15m_3w_babycom:488

Someone out there wants to help me!

Never Again!

I will never travel with a toddler again. Ever. It was a disaster.

Okay, I lie. I'm sure we will BUT at least we know a few things going forward.

M is at that awkward age where he is too young & curious to walk with us, follow us directionally and hold our hands when needed. On the flip side, he's too old & active to be contained in a stroller for any length of time. He wants to explore but as with any 16 month old, he wants to explore on his terms.

So... that brings us to our next issue. Tantrums! Who replaced my sweet boy with a little man who melts down at the simplest of things?! Taking away something he shouldn't be playing with, putting him back into the stroller or not letting him take sips of coffee or beer drove this kid to distraction. The screeching and tears were unbearable!

And that takes us to the other big issue. Food. Sigh. That means anything edible and it doesn't matter if it comes via room service (where he walked back and forth between us begging for bites), Tupperware (Cheerios were our saving grace this trip) and any sort of time spent in a restaurant. Unless he is starving & the food comes immediately, he is not the sort of dinner date you want at a restaurant. We had more than one trip to a restaurant where one of us had to make a quick exit with him. If he's hungry, he screams. If he's full, he screams. If the food isn't coming quick enough or isn't to his liking at that moment, he screams. It's awesome.

Like that old rule of thumb of one minute of timeout per year of age, I think the same sort of general rule goes for attention span. I think 16 minutes (one minute per month of age) is the most we can get out of this kid. At that point, it's on to the next one and damn it, we have no choice in the matter.

The highlight of the trip? The 45 minutes of pure screaming on the flight back. Thank God we were flying in one of Porter's turboprop planes. For the novice out there, that means the loud humming drowned out M's screams and he simply looked like an oh-so-disgruntled toddler to all those gawking passengers.

Blessed.

Watching D with M as he enjoys his bedtime bottle and it hit me that I am so lucky to have such an awesome & loving father for my son. Such a sweet & tender moment to see them with their heads together, eyes closed and just savouring those last few minutes of the day.

Love.

A Little Bit 'o Kansas City!

We're having friends over tomorrow night to celebrate D's 34th birthday and in honour of the hot weather and sunny days we've been having, it's all about the barbecue. What's on the menu?

For starters...

Guacamole with Fire-Roasted Vegetables

For the main...

Kansas City-Style Baby Back Ribs

Beer-Can Chicken

Killer Coleslaw

Potato Salad

Spicy Maple Baked Beans

Corn-on-the-Cob

And for dessert? Well, that's still undecided but I'm hoping to come up with a hit tomorrow.

4 of the recipes are brand new so I'm hoping they'll be a hit! Looking forward to sharing some recipes! Mmmmm...

Hello?

I've been MIA. Between the typical day-to-day and an insane mini project at work, I've had no time for blogging! I will be back... hopefully tonight once Mr. M has gone to bed.

Good News!

I may be less fat than originally thought! I weighed M using our scale a few weeks ago and found him to be around 29.5lbs. At the doctor's office today, he weighed in at 27lbs. Does that mean I'm actually 2.5lbs lighter than my scale is telling me?!

I've done nothing since my run last Monday. I did two good runs in a row and then the insane heat & humidity hit, which basically landed me on the couch. I might get out tonight but M had his 15 month shots today and I don't like leaving him in case of a reaction. It's really not an excuse! I swear!

Back to M... He's a good weight at 27lbs and likely still a bit behind from when he lost a few lbs back in April when he had rotavirus. He just got over a case of hand/foot/mouth and I'm pretty sure the open sores in his mouth didn't encourage good eating. He's standing super tall at 34" and is generally hitting all of his milestones though he's a bit behind on his verbal skills. No need to panic yet because he is becoming more verbal and we're actively working on it.

Vaccinations aside, it was a doctor's visit filled with good news for both of us!

PS...

Ran 7km this morning but also ate 2 pieces of trillion chocolate layer cheesecake today.

Who Knew?!

Delicious corn-on-the-cob recipe!

Chili-Lime Spiced Corn-on-the-Cob

In a small bowl, mix the following ingredients and let sit for an hour or so to blend:

3 tablespoons of softened butter

2 teaspoons lime zest

1 teaspoon chili pepper (or chipotle chili pepper)

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Now, you have two options:

1. If your corn is still in the husk, soak the corn (husk and all) in a bowl of water for a good 45 minutes. Grill (husk and all) until it's blackened. Remove the husks, place back on the grill and brush with the above MELTED mixture until grill marks appear. Serve!

2. If your corn has been husked, boil the corn the traditional way before transferring to the grill. Baste the corn with the MELTED mixture until grill marks appear. Serve!

Bookworm

I love reading. Always have and always will. I'm very particular about my books. My preference are trade paperbacks though I will read hardcover but never mass market. I love Canadian Literature and anything that involves strong heroines. I have read but don't love typical "chick lit" unless I'm craving pure fluff. I've worked my way through the classics but I prefer to read in the here & now (or recent 50 years or so). I don't lend books unless it's to someone who reads the way I do (leaving behind a book that looks untouched when done) and I rarely borrow. If I take a book from someone, I typically buy my own copy and pass theirs back when I'm done reading my own. Weird & anal, I know.

I was on hiatus from reading for pleasure for too long (you know, having a baby and all can do that to you) but now that I'm taking the TTC to & from work, I've rediscovered & embraced my love. It's like I've become this obsessed & voracious reader once again and I can't get enough. I love it!

I get a lot of book suggestions from my BFF. Without her, I'd probably never have read Tim O'Brien and more recently, Curtis Sittenfeld. I powered through two Sittenfeld books (Prep & American Wife... LOVED them!) and realized I had a copy of Ami McKay's The Birth House that I had not yet read so I'm working my way through that right now. Save for suggestions from my BFF, I browse the bookstore and pick up whatever tickles my fancy. I am that person who in fact judges a book by its cover. I will wander the bookstore and if the cover is too cheesy or just plain bad, I won't read it.

So, long blog short, I need some suggestions. Anyone got any must reads for me?

Happy Canada Day!

Once again, I haven't done a thing and I've basically eaten nothing of nutritional value. Today was Canada Day so we enjoyed a lazy family day and are capping the evening off with DQ Blizzards. Definitely not part of the diet but D is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to snacks! Of course, I don't put up much of a fight. On a good (sort of) note, I'm holding steady at 138.4lbs so at least I'm not gaining.

Tomorrow is Friday and I'm off work at 1pm. I'm going to do a big run that ends at M's daycare and we'll stroller the 2km home as a cool down. It's in my head & calendar so I'm fully committed to it!

What Happens When You Do Nothing & Eat Everything for a Week?

This: 138.6lbs.

Punishment? Sort of. I forced myself out for a 5.5km run and feel better for it.

Cravings.

No, I'm not pregnant. That said, I crave burritos constantly. All the time. Since going back to work, I obsessively think about those delicious bundles of chicken, rice, cheese and toppings like guacamole, salsa and sour cream. It's actually quite embarrassing how often I *would* eat one if I didn't think my co-workers (and waistline) would notice.

I had been doing so well and then the weekend hit. I ran 9km last Friday and then it basically went down the toilet. I didn't eat horribly but I didn't exactly count calories. I also did little to no exercise. I forced myself out for a short (er... 3.5km) run on Tuesday night and haven't been out since. As I write this, I'm trying to motivate myself to get out there for a good run tonight.

My weight is likely hovering around 138-139lbs and I can feel the pudge again. I know a lot of it is in my head but I feel like it's back. I hate it! But why on earth can't I use that to push myself?! I KNOW I will feel better if I go for a run but I am so unmotivated and lazy that I just don't want to do it. I keep thinking of what was likely a 2000 calorie lunch and know I have no choice but to get off my butt tonight. Sigh.

And He's Off!

M is walking! Yay M! He's been practicing nonstop and walking with his car or by holding our hands (or anyone's hands for that matter) and managed to take 1 or 2 tentative steps earlier this week. Today he mustered up the courage and WALKED!!! He walked across the kitchen and can successfully navigate a good 10' or so at which point he is so thrilled with himself that he laughs and loses his balance!

What a great day! Our lives are about to change... again! Go M gooooooo!

Hitting the Bottle! Or Hiding...

M is 14 and a half months old now and still enjoying 3 bottles a day. I have no clue if this is normal or if he should be off the bottle by now. Is he too old to still be having that many bottles a day? Or even any bottle? I have visions of him toddling off to 1st grade with a bottle in hand and that makes me feel like we've got to act on this. I have this irrational fear that he's not going to get enough calcium if I stop the bottles and make the switch to sippy cups for milk despite eating enough cheese & yogurt daily to feed his entire daycare class. I know, I know... stop over thinking this one!

He typically has a bottle mid-morning, mid-afternoon and one bottle of formula before bed. Yes, I know... I still have him on one bottle of formula a day. It somehow makes me feel better with all the germs floating around daycare. Lately, he's back to his old tricks of falling asleep during his very last bottle so I know we aren't ready to cut that one just yet.

I've tried offering milk in sippy cups but he just isn't that interested. He'll happily drink his water from a sippy but one taste of milk and he pretty much tosses it aside in disgust. I've already gone through 3 different sippy cups today in an attempt to make the switch. He wasn't into the squishy spout, the hard spout or the straw. What gives?!

Anyone got any great advice that I should be following? Cold turkey? What about our bedtime routine that we worked so hard to establish many moons ago?

Yay ME!

It was tough and I wanted to bail many times but I pushed through and ran 8km tonight! I am so proud of myself!

Made to Measure

I weighed myself this morning. Obviously. Duh. And... I'd gained. I was 139.4lbs so I clearly enjoyed myself this weekend. Anyway, nothing much I can do except push ahead and continue with the water, diet and exercise thing.

I mapped myself a 6km route tonight and decided to push myself as I went. Instead of cutting down this street, I went down that street and added extra bits of distance here and there. I ended up running a whopping 7.5km! I'm so pleased with myself!

Seeing as I know I'm losing pudge (the back fat is disappearing) despite the numbers, I decided to take my measurements tonight. Thanks to D's help, here they are:

Bust: 36"

Chest: 32"

Waist: 33 1/2"

Hips: 38 1/2"

Thighs: 22 1/2"

Upper Arm: 11 1/2"

Seriously?! I really am built like a pop can. A lovely (ahem) woman once told me I had the shape of a pop can. A barrel, if you will. I have next to no natural waist and I'm top heavy. Thank God for my chicken legs and tiny head or I'm sure I'd look like a massive blob.

I'm not going to become a slave to the tape because let's face it, I'm swamped as it is between real life and my scale BUT I do think it will be interesting to check in on these measurements now and then. The only ones I really care about are my waist, hips and upper arms. I can deal with the rest!

Weight as of June 11

Until recently, I never owned a scale. I refused to own one because I knew my OCD tendencies would flourish. I was right. I used to use the scale on my Wii until I finally purchased a proper scale for the house. Bad idea. Whereas I had to set up my Wii and go through the whole awkward "it's been X days since your last visit" lecture, I can now weigh myself whenever I want. And, of course, I'm doing just that. I obsessively step on the scale every.freaking.morning and then lament about how the numbers aren't plummeting like a wayward elevator.

Regardless, a loss is a loss, right?!

138.2lbs

I was 139.6lbs last Friday so that means I've lost 1.4lbs. Woohoo! Not as much as I was hoping but at least I'm shedding some of the weight.

I increased my exercise this week by doing a quick 2km jog with the stroller to M's daycare in the mornings as well as my regular run every other evening. I've increased the distance of my evening runs and I'm consistently hitting between 5-5.5km. I'm hoping to see a bigger loss next Friday.

Or tomorrow... or Sunday... or Monday. I really need D to hide the scale.

Whoa! Hold Up!

When I started this blog, I cleverly set my byline as "random musing & rants of a girl who is attempting to do and have it all while raising her little person" as it pretty much summed up my new role as mother, wife/partner and working girl. This week, the whole "do and have it all" train pretty much came off the tracks and I melted down in a freak out of epic proportions.

Wednesday started out as any other typical morning. Alarm goes off at 5:15am and it's go go go from that point onwards. Shower & dress myself, dress & feed baby, prepare breakfasts & lunches and pack stuff for the day. Typical & predictable. Heading out the door, we see the car about to be ticketed because our street parking permit has expired. I tell the parking officer I've got the new one inside and jet back in to grab it. He drives off in good faith and I am reduced to tears inside the house once I finally find the paperwork and realize that I hadn't renewed our permits. I simply forgot to do it and shuffled the paperwork off into a little pile never to be looked at again... until it was too late.

D & I walk back outside and as D prepares to get in the car and I to start my jog to daycare with M in the jogging stroller, I basically start rambling on and on about how I'm overwhelmed, stressed, unorganized and feeling completely inadequate. I dramatically say how I'm late for work already and push off with the stroller. To add insult to injury, the rain started pouring as I cried & ran my way to daycare. Not only did I show up to work in my (as of late) uniform of Spandex but I looked like a drowned rat who borrowed make-up tips from a raccoon to boot.

That day, I realized that I cannot do this 100% by myself. I need help and whether that help comes from D, our parents or even an outside source like a cleaning service, it doesn't matter. I need help and I need to get past my passive-aggressive nature and ask for it. I am good at nagging and bitching but not so good at being direct and asking for help. There are not enough hours in the day and I can't do it all by myself. Between keeping a clean house, preparing meals, entertaining a toddler and finding 'me time' for both D & I as well as time for each other, I'm absolutely beat and discouraged. I'm crawling into bed at 8:30pm most nights out of sheer exhaustion.

D and I had a good chat last night and I think we both said a lot of things that we need to have the other do as well as recognized how we need to change ourselves. I think we both left the house this morning feeling happier than we have in a long time. We worked together this morning and didn't snap at each other once. We have a plan in place for mornings now and that feels like a zillion pounds of weight off my back. I like knowing we'll have good 'give and take' that works for both of us and gives us each some time to ourselves in the evening to pursue the things like biking or running that we want to do this summer. We also know what we need to do to keep each other happy.

So, we're moving in the right direction. Baby steps! The train may not be going full steam ahead but at least it's moving.

5km! Woohoo!

Inspired by my best friend, I challenged myself to a 5km run tonight. I thought about it all day and was mentally psyched to get out there and do it. I was committed and engaged!

And I did it!

In fact, I ran 5.25km in 35 minutes. My mantra was 'slow & steady wins the race' and I wasn't out there for time. I was out there for distance. Regardless, 7 minutes per km isn't bad and is a great starting point. I had to encourage myself along with lots of "you can do it" when I felt like I was faltering a bit and reminded myself of "skinny, skinny, skinny" when I needed to keep the pace.

I am thrilled! It was my first time running 5km since the spring or summer before we found out I was expecting (summer of 2008) so it's been a long time coming. I feel great and I'm pumped to keep it up!

Yay me!

Clearly, I suck.

I failed at my new healthy way of life today. Miserably. Tomorrow is another day, right?

*Definitely not going near the scale tomorrow morning.

Darts & Laurels

Dart:

Stupid & annoying neighbour. Since going back to work, I have been fortunate enough to miss most of his impromptu jam sessions throughout the day, which tend to coincide with M's naps. Well, my poor exhausted baby has been woken twice (so far) during his afternoon nap by bad music & lack of talent. I am thisclose to knocking on the door and asking him to quit it. Sadly, neighbour P is partially deaf so between that and the drumming, he won't hear the doorbell. Sigh.

Laurel:

My best friend & I got together this morning for a run. It was great! We both increased our distance and settled into a good pace together. We didn't need any breaks and managed to have good conversation the entire time. Yay! I've always said I love running alone but I remembered this morning that I also love the push & motivation you get when working out with someone. I'm hoping we can make this a weekly habit! Shout out to my BFF Jilly!

Wonder Bread Arms

After almost 2 weeks of eating well, drinking lots of water and running every other day, I finally weighed myself. I don't know what I was expecting. Well, I do. I was expecting and hoping to see a number like 135lbs staring back at me.
Sigh.

139.6lbs

Ugh. Apparently I was much heavier than I initially thought. It's just so discouraging.

I know I am losing because my clothes have been fitting better and I feel it. I feel less bloated and more trim. D even commented that I looked like I'd lost some pudge, too! But, this number means I've got a lot of hard work ahead of me. Ideally, I'd like to be 128lbs but I'll settle for 130lbs.

10lbs to go. I've got to step up the exercise and stay diligent with the diet. I need to add some other exercises to my regime because running alone isn't going to flatten that tummy or trim those Wonder Bread arms.

Day 3

Surviving.

So far, I have done the following:

1. Consumed lots of water.
2. Eaten lots of veggies... without dip.
3. Had only 1 beer. It was a can of Lucky so let's face it, Lucky is not beer.
4. No fries. Okay, I lie. I ate less than 10 last night.
5. I've gone running! Once.

I guessed at my weight and plugged it into a random website, which told me my ideal weight is 129lbs and that a I could reach that number by August 12th, 2010. Perhaps I'll make that my new goal?

Fat.

And not in the cool 'ph' sort of way.

I'm fat. I really & truly am. I was just getting dressed and it hit me that I'm practically hiking my jeans up to my armpits in an attempt to hide my love handles. I look like I'm 4-5 months pregnant and the flowing top I'm wearing doesn't let others think otherwise. I can sense my double chin when I'm not even doing anything! F*ck.

I need an intervention. I need to grow some balls and stick with a diet and healthier eating habits. I need to muster up all the motivation and willpower I have to say no to the bad stuff and yes to exercise. I need someone to come to my house and force me outside for a workout. I need to be beaten into shape! I think I hit my body image rock bottom this morning. Sigh.

My 5 lifestyle changes, effective immediately, are as follows:

1. Water, water and more water.

2. Absolutely no snacks that involve dip.

3. Once again, no wine or beer on weeknights.

4. No fries.

5. Exercise. Get off the couch & run!

There is no way I'm stepping on a scale this morning seeing as I've already eaten 3kg of chips and a vat of dip and it's not even 10:30am yet. From this point onward, I will do better TODAY!

Live by the List!

I love lists. Lists are the only way I stay on top of things and they give me such a sense of accomplishment. I feel so satisfied when I'm able to cross things I've done or bought off my lists!

I make lists telling me what I need to do each day, what needs to be cleaned and what I need from the grocery store. I live by a list at work, too. I keep an excellent record of what I need to do, things I've done, people I've spoken to or need to call and in general, I'm organized there.

I have a running list of things I want for myself or the house that I would consider non-essential items. Yesterday, D & I created our master wish list for the backyard and it's something we'll plug away at throughout the summer. It'll remind us of what we want and allow us to spread out the purchases.

Since going back to work, I've been slacking in the list department. Case in point? I went to the grocery store on Friday for homo milk for Max and a few veggies for the cottage. I went in repeating "milk, veggies & dip, hummus" over and over again. I came out with everything but the milk. We went grocery shopping yesterday and once again, no list. I forgot all of the basic essentials. I should have had a list!

My May resolution is to get back into the list thing. It's the only way for me to stay on top of things and keep within a budget. So, notebook at the ready and pen in hand... off to list I go!

Babble.

I've been keeping a secret. Some people knew about it and I'm sure some people certainly noticed but for the most part, I've held this one close to my heart and kept it quiet.

No, not pregnant. Promise!

A few months back, our doctor asked if M was babbling and making lots of sounds at his 9 month appointment. I said yes because he was... right? Well, no. What I thought was babble was really just variations of the same sound. It really wasn't until I spent more time with other babies and heard the repetitive babble & sounds they were making that I wondered why M wasn't doing the same. He was hitting all other milestones so I wasn't too worried and I put it down to a few things. Perhaps we'd been too conversational with him? Not enough flashcard or book time? He was putting all his energy into crawling and standing and basically, moving? He'd always been a quiet kid, the type who stares intently and slowly smiles but never laughs & waves at strangers. He loved being around people but was always happy to play independently.

Fast forward to his 12 month appointment a few weeks back and I had to admit to our doctor that M still hadn't said a word and was only making the same variation of a "ha" sound. He knows what we're talking about and follows instructions but it doesn't matter what you say or how often you repeat it, he'll only answer back with a "ha" or an "enh" noise. She suggested we call to get on the 6-8 month waiting list for a speech pathologist to help us pinpoint the problem. I finally called last night after M's follow-up doctor's visit for his vaccinations and got us on the list. The woman on the other end of the phone suggested we arrange a hearing test for M to make sure his hearing is up to snuff. He's clearly hearing us but maybe not as good as he could be.

I emailed my boss whose wife is an audiologist and she called me immediately. She calmed my fears and without looking at him, she is certain he doesn't have hearing issues based on our chat. That said, she is going to take a look at him next week and make sure he doesn't have any issues like fluid in the ears or hearing loss.

When I came home from my appointment, D was walking M by the hands back and forth through the house. As he came towards me, I heard the most wonderful sound ever!

"Umma, umma, mama!"

Honestly, that was the FIRST time he'd ever made a noise other than the "ha" sound and later that night, he was babbling nonstop. Those were the best sounds I've ever heard. He was trying out his vowels & consonants all night and all morning! I am so happy.

It's been hard to keep this to myself because I've wanted to share and ask for advice but so often, there can be this "he's not WHAT?!" or "my child was doing that at X age!!!" which prevented me from saying anything. I was worried people, even friends, would think there was something wrong or inferior with M and even think that D & I hadn't done enough with him. I know parenting isn't a competition but sometimes it's really hard not to compare your child to others. Last night reminded me of that old adage that slow & steady wins the race and once again, to never pass judgment on another mother or child. You never know what's happening behind closed doors.

Another Reason to Feel Less Guilty?

http://www.nih.gov/news/health/may2010/nichd-14.htm

So True.

http://jaelithej.blogspot.com/2010/03/to-my-friends-who-work-outside-home.html

Seriously?

Diaper changes, changing clothes or getting ready for bed have become absolutely horrible! He writhes, flips, twists and screams as if you're pulling every last toenail off with your teeth. I'm certain our neighbours hear this and must think we're torturing the little guy! He can manage to flip himself over (even when belted down) and get onto all fours, which allows him to buck like a bull. Offering toys or books does nothing anymore and there is obviously no way to reason with a toddler. I find myself hiding out when it's time to do any of the aforementioned activities if D is home. I gave birth to him! That gives me an out, no?!

October 2010

I've set a challenge for D & I and I'm giving us 5 months to hit the target. I can't really say what it is because it's fairly personal but I can tell you that it has absolutely nothing to do with having a 2nd child! I'm assuming that would be everyone's first guess so I'll cut it off at the knees right now.

What else?

Hmmm... not much. M started back at daycare yesterday and had an okay but admittedly rough day. Poor guy. Today was better so I'm hoping things are on the up & up. I've got everything crossed that he doesn't come down with anything else anytime soon. We need to get into a good routine.

We're celebrating Mother's Day with our families this weekend and are hosting it at our house. We're going simple with burgers but I need some new salad ideas. Any suggestions?

I haven't weighed myself in forever but *think* I'm going to do it this weekend. I know I need to start running or doing some sort of activity but I have absolutely no motivation. I'm like a giant sloth. I'm back at work so walking less BUT eating more frequent meals. I can't graze as much as I would normally though I tend to eat my entire lunch before 8am. I have to work on that one!

I actually feel like I'm making progress with cleaning & organizing the house. I finally took care of the front hall closet and we're getting rid of the playard in the kitchen, both of which offer a lot more space on our main floor. I'm determined to live a clutter free life!

Alright, over & out! The finale of America's Next Top Model is calling!

All Better!

It was a rough go and one where everyone around us (including all our babysitters) ended up sick but I think M is FINALLY all better! He finally turned a corner this weekend and had two GOOD days. Sadly, he's making the return to daycare tomorrow morning so I know the next bug or cold is just around the corner.

We had a quiet weekend, which is just what I wanted. I wanted M to get better but I also wanted a relaxing, errand free Mother's Day. I was spoiled with a new Coach handbag and we went out for a pint to celebrate on Sunday afternoon. D got up with M in the morning and I'm pretty sure I managed to evade most diaper changes!

Anyway, boring post but I'm checking in regardless. My little cleaning schedule seems to be working so far and I'm feeling on top of our home life. So far, so good!

Going Green in 2010

Okay, last post of the evening! Promise.

There's a great blog I follow by a SAHM who is attempting to "green" her family's life in 2010 by accepting a new challenge daily. I will admit to not always being the most green person but I often think of her tips and try to incorporate them into my life. I almost always think of her on recycling day because we have a pretty huge bin but I feel like I'm always cramming it full and adding separate bags at the curb.

Fast forward to last Sunday when I was moving all my products to the downstairs bathroom in preparation of starting work. I almost always use body wash but have lots of fancy soaps received as gifts hanging around the bathroom. I've decided that from now on, I'm going to use soap instead of packaged body wash. Almost all of the soaps I have are all natural and made by people we know, which is a nice bonus. It's not much but it's one less container to purchase that ultimately ends up in the recycling bin.

Check out Nicole's blog because I'm sure you'll find some inspiring ideas: http://greenin2010.blogspot.com/.

Obsessed

I'm currently obsessed with developing the ultimate cleaning schedule. Weird, I know BUT in my defense, we started my first week back at work with a clean house and it felt great all week. Granted, M & I weren't there to mess it up on a daily basis but we were at least in control of clutter.

I tracked my cleaning habits all week and came up with a mock schedule of tasks to be completed daily, weekly or as needed. I'm hoping to post this on the fridge in an attempt to be held accountable to my chores so I don't feel like I'm losing hours each weekend to keeping house. Hell, a working woman should still be able to enjoy a clean house and a life, no?!

Sunday - Vacuum upstairs & main floor; wash all floors and tidy living/dining.

Monday - Clean basement bathroom & laundry area.

Tuesday - Vacuum main floor.

Wednesday - Off! Relax with a bottle of a wine.

Thursday - Vacuum & wash main floor and tidy living/dining.

Friday - Vacuum upstairs and clean upstairs bathroom.

Saturday - Vacuum stairs from top to main as well as basement.

Daily Tasks:

• Clean kitchen (dishes, counters, highchair, bottles, etc.).
• Tidy M's toys (both main area & bedroom).

As Needed:

• Laundry (washed, folded & put away as needed).
• Take out garbage & recycling as needed.

I'm REALLY hoping to stick with this rough schedule. It's a nice feeling to come home from work and not be immediately confronted by a messy living room. I know that we aren't the most fastidious cleaners and let's face it, we both hoard crap BUT I think we can manage to live a relatively organized life. Fingers crossed!

We Survived!

We successfully navigated my first week back at work but we had a few hiccups along the way.

Firstly, it's good to be back at work. The first day was a little weird but by day 2, it felt like I'd never left. The week sailed by and when I put my feet on the floor on Friday morning, I had that 'TGIF' feeling as if it had never left.

But... M has the sickness. The sickness? Yes, the sickness. That disgusting viral bug from daycare that he just can't seem to shake. The poor guy has been feverish and suffered from all the nasty stuff like vomiting and diarrhea. We had to keep him home for the latter half of the week and ended up at Sick Kids for the 2nd time in 10 days on Friday afternoon.

*Insert mini rant here: D's mom was looking after M on Friday and he simply wasn't himself. He was lethargic and not eating or drinking. I ended up having to leave work early to take him to the hospital. Now, I normally wouldn't use hospital resources but was left with no choice when our doctor's office was open but NOT answering the phone on Friday. WTF?! I don't get it. I did try to find a walk-in clinic but didn't have much luck in our area. There are only so many times you can call your son's name when driving aimlessly because the addresses you have seem to be MIA and get NO response before you sh!t bricks and head to the hospital.

Anyway, M is feeling much better though still suffering from some tummy upset. Let's hope it's back to business tomorrow or we'll be scrambling again on Monday morning.

So, it was a decent week all in all. Let's hope it continues!

Welcome to the world, baby Ayden Louise!

Congratulations to C & T on the birth of their beautiful baby girl! Yet to meet her but love her already!

Grumpy.

Out of respect for D, I have withdrawn this post. While trying to convey my own feelings, I managed to hurt D's feelings and for that, I apologize. It was never my intent to be mean or purposely hurtful.

Getting Ready for Monday!

I'm trying to come up with a list of things that I should or could do, time permitting, before I start work on Monday. Yes, the procrastinator in me won this battle but I figure I can still accomplish something.

1. Clean the house from top to bottom.
2. Prepare some easy breakfast meals for M that I can pull out of the freezer and defrost or toast.
3. Make sure M's bag is packed for Monday morning.
4. Lay out my outfit for Monday (and even a few others to make the rest of the weekday mornings flow a little easier).
5. Find my security card for work... I know I put it in a safe place a year ago but where oh where could that be?!
6. Meal plan for the week. In fact, make a big list of possible meals that I can refer to when looking for dinner inspiration.
7. Grocery shop.

I feel like I'm missing something here. Is there anything glaringly obvious that I've forgotten? Or anything you can suggest that helped you?

Random Thoughts

I've been MIA lately. My poor little guy has been sick. So sick that a rush trip to Sick Kids on Monday night was warranted where he was diagnosed with a double ear infections and a touch of pneumonia in the chest. Two days later, his doctor was able to add possible strep throat to that list. Toss in a reaction to Amoxicillin and we had an interesting week.

This was my last week off before starting back at work Monday. I cannot believe my year is over and M is already one. It honestly floors me. I'd hoped for a week filled with errands, cleaning & general preparations while Max was fully transitioning at daycare. Alas, it didn't happen and though I was frustrated with my lack of progress at times, I wouldn't change it for the world. I had the sort of sweet moments with M this afternoon that made me question what I am doing and why I'm going back to work. That kid can reduce me to tears with his sweetness and I certainly stole lots of extra kisses and cuddles today.

M's 1st birthday has come & gone and we're on to new stages. He's cruising with the help of furniture, actively climbing stairs and walking when assisted with toys. He isn't say much of anything save for an 'enh' sound but he does know people & things when asked about them. He was doing well at daycare before the sickness hit so we're really hoping next week goes smoothly. I am already both dreading & looking forward to Monday.

I feel completely unprepared for my return to work. I managed to get out shopping this week and grab some new clothes for work but I didn't accomplish anything else on my list. I wanted to clean the house top to bottom (work in progress this evening) as well as make some freezer meals and make a bunch of healthy breakfast options like muffins & pancakes for M. I didn't get any of that done so I now feel like I'm going to be cramming all that into this weekend when I was hoping for a quiet & enjoyable couple of days with my family.

Okay, some confessions...

As I blogged before, I am excited to go back to work. I truly am and seeing my co-workers yesterday & today got me a little more psyched up about it. BUT... my heart is absolutely breaking at the thought of dropping M off at daycare on Monday and leaving him for an entire day. Gah. It brings tears to my eyes and a GIANT lump in my throat at the very thought. I KNOW he's in great hands there and he's going to learn so much. It's a very fun & loving environment and I'm thankful that I was finally able to get him into THE place for us. But, it doesn't make it any easier on me.

For some 379 days (thus far), I have changed almost every diaper, fed most meals and wiped close to all tears. He has been the centre of my world and I his. We've done this together! Every decision D & I made, we made with M. We were so lucky that he was such an easy baby and he basically told us what we needed to do to be the best parents we could be for him. It makes me sad that I'm going to drive somewhere, leave him with relative strangers and go to work for the day.

Anyway, I'm working for many reasons and I keep reminding myself that it isn't forever. If I absolutely hate it, I don't need to do it. I also know that our reality does (hopefully) include another baby at some point so I'll be home again. I just need to get through our first day.

It will be okay... it will be okay... it WILL be okay.

Check, Check, Check... and Check!

'Nuff said!

Where are the Laundry Fairies When You Need 'Em?

I have organized our waste of space laundry area numerous times and once again, it's a disaster. We're behind on laundry with clean laundry still in the basket, random tea towels and clothes littering the stairs as we constantly toss them down the stairs to the basement and dry clothes spilling out of the dryer just waiting to be folded. The laundry counter is has a handful of clean clothes on it but is more or less covered with D's "stuff" that is getting moved TODAY!

D & I are surely going to kill each other over our laundry situation so my mission today is to do the following:

• Make a dent in the laundry pile;
• Clean & organize the laundry counter;
• Put away all clean clothes;
• Move the hanging rack to a more accessible location (apparently, crammed in the corner of our bedroom where the dog sleeps and piling it with miscellaneous crap isn't conducive to happy in-house laundry fairies).

Poor Sick Baby.

If this cold is any indication of the chronic daycare sickness I've been told to expect, I'm seriously going to have to quit my job. Sigh.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

D & I started what I expected to be the annoying task of cleaning out the back garden beds a few weeks ago. We removed all the dead shrubs, got rid of the first couple inches of gross soil and added in healthy new organic soil. We started looking in books and online for ideas & inspiration only to realize we have no clue what we're doing.

A friend suggested we get in touch with Sheridan Nurseries and go for a landscape design consultation. I went last week and learned so much! For $50, you meet with a professional who studies your garden in terms of sun, soil, orientation and your needs as the gardener (um, low maintenance... and pretty?) and walk away with a whole lot of knowledge, a great gardening catalogue and a detailed drawing of your space complete with tree, shrub & flower suggestions.

We headed back to the nursery yesterday and started picking out our new trees and plants. It was exciting! It was fun to see them in person, decide if we liked them and if not, explore our other options. Some $450 later and a cramped ride home pinned in the passenger seat by a wrought iron trellis and Japanese maple, we were finally able to start working in the backyard. We didn't buy everything we needed but it was a great start. We got most of the things planted in the smaller bed and I'll be heading out back today while M naps to work on the bigger bed.

I'm shocked that I'm actually enjoying gardening. I think it's the weeding & clean up I dislike. Building from the ground up is fun! I can't wait to see how things grow and bloom as the season progresses. I'm taking pictures to document the changes as we move ahead so I will have to post them once we're closer to being finished.

Happy 1st Birthday!

My baby is one today! Sniffle, sniffle. I've been wandering around for the past day and spewing "this time last year" comments as the big day neared. I feel like Clair Huxtable with the way I keep saying "my baaaaaaby" in a wishful attempt to keep him small and in this fun stage forever.

It was a fantastic first year and one that makes me want to scream "we did it!" because although so rewarding, it was tough & challenging at times. There were a lot of sleepless nights and days filled with tears (both M & I!) as well as a lot of agonizing decisions. Who knew that things like solid foods, nap schedules & finding childcare could be so stressful!? But, we made it through and our little family is happy.

To Mister M: Thank you. You taught me so much about myself and you have made me a better person. I'm so lucky that you're mine! I'm also glad I never followed through on my (empty) threats to squish you or get in my car & never look back on those rough nights. You're definitely a keeper! I love you.

Daycare Transition Day #3

This whole daycare thing isn't easy and like people told me, it is MUCH harder on me than M.

He's transitioning well and even enjoying himself. We got there bright and early today and he took his spot in the highchair circle and had a snack with the other kids. He played & explored happily and when I saw him showing signs of being tired, I decided to show him his new crib. I put him in, turned out the lights and sat on the floor while he stood, bounced & chatted. Eventually he sat down, started crying and reaching through the bars for me. I gradually inched along the floor until I was at the door and once he stopped crying, I knew he was asleep so I left him to nap. The second I got into the main room, I burst into hysterical sobs and blubbering about it being so hard and not fair to him.

The girls at his daycare are so great. They gave me big hugs and made me feel so much better about everything. The reality of the situation is that I'm not the first (and certainly not going to be the last) person to leave her child in the care of others. He will be fine. He's taking to it well and adapting to new people, children and routines. Sure, sleeping in a new bed will be hard for a few days but he'll know it's his and we're going to make it just like home for him.

He didn't sleep long. I managed to get out for a coffee, call D (still crying) and leave a depressed voicemail for my best friend. I got back and hovered outside the main door and eventually heard him crying. He didn't see me when I went in but he went from full tears to big smiles while playing with one of the girls. Seeing that made me feel so much better.

We stayed for another 2 hours and he ate lunch with his new little friends. We came home and he's now catching up on his sleep upstairs in his own crib. Daycare sure tires this little guy out!

It's not going to be easy but it's certainly going to get better... right?

Good Morning!

I am not a morning person. At all. I hate nothing more than being told to get up. I'm not kidding when I say those two words hold all the power to either make it a good or a bad day for me. I'm not one of those people who can't function until they've had their coffee but please don't try to start a conversation with me first thing in the morning.

I'd almost rather have my toenails pulled off with pliers than be told to wake up so I can understand how it must be annoying to have me say it over and over to D. It's actually funny how those two words can garner such a hostile response in the mornings.

I set my alarm to go off 15 minutes before D's and then do this annoying 'wake up' routine as I press the snooze button. I feel like I need to constantly remind him of the time and eventually, after about 30 minutes of this, I ask him what he's doing or what his plans are in terms of getting up. I'm almost always greeted with a disgruntled "I'm getting up, okay?!" as he sluggishly gets out of bed.

Now that I'm on mat leave with M, I don't sleep in at all. He wakes pretty early, which bodes well for when I go back to work. I've tried each day this week to get up earlier than normal (and before M) in an attempt to shower before he wakes so we can go to the daycare earlier. Fail. Who knew it would be this hard?! I have NO clue how I'm going to get back into the habit of waking at 5:30am or even earlier now that I have to get M up & at 'em, fed and off to daycare and still make a late arrival at work around 7:30am.

Side note: As I type this (read: neglect my son), he is absolutely glued to Breakfast Television. What sort of monster have I created?!

Okay, despite good intentions, it's almost 8am and I still haven't left the house. We're up, dressed and ready to go so... off we go! Daycare transition day #3!

Daycare

M and I had our first visit to his new daycare last week and it was a success! After a few minutes of chatting with the girls working in his infant room, I put him down on the floor and wandered around with one of them for a tour of the room. He sat quietly for a few minutes before beginning to explore without me! For a good 20 minutes, I was nowhere near him and he was totally content. Maybe this will be a bit easier than I thought?

The visit also made me realize that I'm glad with some of the decisions we made when M was small. We were lucky that we had an easy baby and we always followed his cues but now that we're nearing the time that he'll be in daycare, I think much of our hard work will pay off. It was important to us that he learn to put himself to sleep (when he was ready) and he can do this without any issue. We wanted him to sleep independently in his crib and again, we moved him out of our room when he was ready and it was a success. I've never pushed him to take naps on my schedule and he weaned himself fairly recently from 3 to 2 naps a day but again, we read his signs and put him down when he lets us know.

During my first few hours at the daycare, I was amazed by how much the 3 girls working in the room catered to each of the baby's individual needs. There were two kids that ONLY nap (at their parent's request) in their car seats and others that needed to be rocked to sleep in a stroller. The girls were able to multi-task this all while playing with the others, singing constantly and prepping for the next thing on the list. Not one child was left out and they were all getting quality attention. I left there feeling like M will fit in, enjoy himself and be loved.

My little guy is growing up. 3 more sleeps until his 1st birthday!

April 2010 Goals

My biggest & most rewarding challenge this month is to truly enjoy every last minute I get to spend with M before heading back to work. Um, I'm going to plug away at the other goals yet to be reached but I'm not going to set any new ones for April. It's going to be an emotional month so I'm giving myself complete freedom.

Okay, I lied... I'll add one goal because my deteriorating self esteem is getting to me.

1. Attempt to hit 130lbs before going back to work. I may have to suck it up and weigh myself... tomorrow... first thing in the morning... naked... after skipping dinner tonight.

March Wrap Up!

Okay, here's the update on my goals that were on my March list:

1. Hit my target weight of 130lbs. FAIL! I haven't weighed myself in a few weeks but I KNOW this one didn't happen. I think you actually have to watch what you eat and get off the couch to achieve a goal like this one.

2. Start researching restaurants and cupcake shops for our trip to NYC! Done & done!

3. Install the window coverings in our bedroom & guest bedroom. Done!

4. Drop M's crib to the final setting. Done!

And an update on the items that carried over from February... er... January:

1. Finish the hall closet renovation. Still NOT done. Boo.

2. Create a guest room. Done! Yay!

3. Maintain current weight and/or drop another lb or two. Um, not done? Afraid to check.

4. Bring M's baby book up-to-date. We worked on it but we aren't done yet.

5. Spend more time with Cear by giving better walks. Done! The nice weather has allowed us to take her for better walks and more trips to the park each day.

6. Run with M in the jogging stroller twice a week. Hahahahahahahaha! Not done.

7. Find a nanny or caregiver for M. DONE! Yay! Got word last night that the daycare we liked finally had a spot open up.

8. Finalized start date back at work. Done! April 26th. So bittersweet.

9. Renew Canadian passport (DONE!), order M's passport (DONE!) and deal with British passport (NOT done).

10. Finalize theme for M's birthday and work on invites. Um, partially done.

April goals to follow shortly!

I Love New York!

New York is now MY city! Well, our city. D & I eloped on our weekend away! We'd planned ahead and found an officiant & photographer who do guerrilla style weddings. We secured our marriage license after landing on Friday and were able to be married at dusk in Central Park on Saturday. It was perfect.

I ate enough cupcakes to curb any cravings I may have in the near future and hopefully walked enough to burn all the calories! We wandered aimlessly, shopped and ate whatever we wanted. We stayed in a gorgeous hotel where we were waited on hand & foot.

We had a fabulous weekend, which was made all the more enjoyable knowing that M was doing amazingly with our families! Everyone had a great time with him and he was perfectly behaved! He was in great spirits the entire weekend.

I can't rave enough about New York. It's the city where anything is possible! Love it.

Two More Sleeps!

Only two more sleeps until we're in New York! Yay! I am so excited! My list of things to do before we go is long and once again begs the question: why am I such a huge procrastinator?!

I tend to leave cleaning and preparing until the last minute. I'm great at making lists of things to do but often leave them until a day or two before when I'm scrambling. I've got a tonne of things to do around the house to prepare for our babysitters (both families will be taking a shift so that means lots of clean sheets & towels and general cleaning) as well as last minute appointments & errands.

This is also our very first time leaving M overnight so I've had to create a manual. You know, a manual all about M. It covers everything from daily routine & schedule, meals, bath & bedtime routines as well as a general "where am I?" list detailing where anything that might possibly be needed can be found. I'm trying hard to put any of those little day-to-day things down on paper that I typically do second nature. M will be in GREAT hands and I'm sure he'll have a blast! Hope so!

Back to my big list of tasks!

Back to Meal Planning!

After a week (or more) of random meals, eating out & ordering in, the time has come to start meal planning again. It's a short week for us so I only need 4 meals to get us through the week, which will include take-out on Thursday night because I'll be up to my eyeballs in cleaning & list making for all of our family who will be taking turns caring for M while we're away.

In no particular order:

Steak Tacos with Spicy Sour Cream, Avocado & Tomato w/ Nacho Chips

Coconut Curry Chicken & Chickpeas w/ Rice

Proscuitto Wrapped Chicken Breasts Stuffed with Goat Cheese & Basil w/ Orzo with Parmesan & Basil and Grilled Asparagus

Campanelle with Sausage & Leeks w/ Salad

Heigh ho! Heigh ho! Off to the grocery store I go!

Um... I'm Engaged?!

I think I'm still reeling from the unexpected shock & surprise of D's proposal last night. While out strolling with M, we pulled the stroller over so D could look for his wallet. Next thing you know, I've got the most gorgeous ring on my finger and answered D's "will you marry me?" with a yes!

D & I have obviously talked about marriage but to be honest, it wasn't a priority or necessity for me. I'm happy with our little family life and didn't feel we needed the ceremony and paper thing. It was one of those things I said I'd do if it was really important to D. I know that sounds negative and like I didn't want it to happen, which is not the case. It's not that I didn't want to get married but I didn't feel like we needed it. We're already complete. We've got a lovely little family in a lovely little home. We're lucky to have jobs we love and amazing families. Simply put, we're already very blessed.

So, we're engaged! We've started to talk about what we want & don't want and I think we're in the early stages of a great plan. At the end of the day, I want it to be about us, our family and the commitment we've already made to each other & our amazing son. All the other stuff is just icing on the already delicious cupcake!

Green Thumb

I hate gardening. I actually detest it. I forced myself to make the most of the nice weather a few days this week and plug away at our front garden. Nothing crazy but just a little general tidying and weeding. I parked M in the stroller and chatted to him the entire time... mostly hateful garden statements peppered with choice language. Regardless, the front is pretty much done and ready for the Spring growing season. Luckily, our front garden is filled with various flowering shrubs and trees so very low maintenance.

When we moved in last April, our back garden (two reasonably sized planter boxes) had similar trees & shrubs but we neglected to take care of them and I ended up having to pull & toss most of them. I'm now at a total loss of what to do. I know NOTHING about gardening! I want pretty, variety and low maintenance.

Can anyone suggest a good website or book that will help us create something nice but oh-so-easy to maintain?

Ugh.

I am still trapped in nanny/daycare hell. Am I ever going to have the "yes, you're the one!" feeling?!?!

D and I went last week to a Montessori daycare and we were barely in there before we were sneaking sideways glances at each other. It was nice and clean... enough. It smelled like diapers and all of the kids seemed like they'd been institutionalized at some point. We left and almost immediately crossed that place off the list.

I've met with two home daycare providers this week and again, no pull towards them. I feel like they're simply people who want to take a child under their care to earn extra money while raising their own without actually establishing a "daycare" setting. There is nothing that screams care or love but rather TV and visits to City drop-in centres.

What the hell am I going to do?!

Two Days Ago...

M hit the 11 month mark, which absolutely blows my mind. I cannot believe how quickly time has flown and that we're now counting down the days until his 1st birthday.

I was watching D run around the house with M on his shoulders earlier tonight and it made me realize how much I love this stage! M is so engaging and fun! He has this insane love for us (as we do him) & loves any sort of attention. He giggles like mad and claps almost constantly! I never knew how much joy a simple game of peek-a-boo could bring.

He's crawling anywhere and everywhere but mostly towards the dog. He will NOT leave her alone and if I separate them, he cries. She's been very patient with him but it's very obvious that she'd rather be left alone. He pulls on her fur and tries to touch her face. He's now trying to use her as leverage to stand up! I love that I can call "M, lunch" and when Cear comes running, he's super quick to follow!

I used to always say that my days pass so slowly but time moves too fast. Well, both my days and time are flying and I'm desperate to not miss a beat. I only have a few weeks left before I'm back at work and M & I are going to make sure we enjoy every minute.